Our Seperate Returns

Our Separate Returns

 

I’ve got a funny feeling

a sinking sensation

that through the weeks, months,

years

and through all the places

and ideas we’ve been through

you knew.

You knew this was

over before we even began.

It's in the way your eyes

look at mine

but never into them

the way

your heart never moves

and never says a word

no matter

how much I may kiss it.

It's as if

I'm kissing a stone statue

with a heart of cold

silver and gold.

 

There's a certain

sanity in your smile

a certain

symmetry in your face

so tangible you can

taste it

a perfect circle of

newspaper and glue

Sensible.  Normal

in its own way

but that may be

why you're rejecting me

in the first place.  Because you

realize

I'm not like you

I'm lopsided and full of holes

and I'm leaking of the

mistakes that brought me

here.

 

So it's no surprise to you

when I say

you left just in time.

Any closer to the edge

and I would've dragged you in

under the water

because I realize

my words have a way of

wrapping around ankles

and never letting go;

My arms have a way of

crushing the oxygen out of

lungs and throats.

 

And no, I'm not mad

or afraid of your choice to

leave, no,

my only fear now is

your return.  Because

try as I might,

I can't help myself

help myself

I fear I need someone else

to save me

and I fear I'll find someone

else to save me from me

and you'll be in my position in

the end

you'll be underwater

looking up through the

distorted waves of the surface

and see me

walk away.

 

I don't want to lose you

I don't want you to lose me

And I don't want to

see your arm reaching out of

the water

for a hand of mine

that will not come.

I know that hell.

It's a dark I know well.

 

So just step a little closer

to the edge

so I don't have to hear

you sing this song

on my birthday

and I don't have to sing

this song on your wedding day

So you don't sing

this song on my funeral day

and I don't have to sing it

ever again.

I know the water's cold

but my eyes

can give you warmth

and this song

can sing itself.