A Guest in the Jail (Day III)

A GUEST IN THE JAIL

 

DAY III

 

Is the Love really worth everything?   

 

            “I will love you forever Martin… You are the only thing that makes my life so special. I have god’s blessing that our paths crossed during our childhood. Since you got into my life, I have never met anyone that more valuable for me…”

            “My burning flame… It is so beautiful that can’t be real. I will never leave you alone. Your love is worth everything”

            “You are right Martin! It is so beautiful… So much beautiful that you can’t deserve! How do you think it can be real? Here Tom, my only reason of living, is coming.”

            “No! Violet what is happening I can’t believe it… No one can love you in the way that I love.”

            “Didn’t you hear Violet, you jerk! Leave my girlfriend alone. Burn in your own heart’s flame… She is so much for you.”

            “Never! I can’t let this to happen! I will fight forever for her love! I will fight! I will…”

 

            Martin tumbled out of his bed in screams. His loud was enough to wake the whole ward up. Jasper and Walter stared at him angrily.

            “Did you see another nightmare related to Violet and Tom?” said Walter.

            “That time it was so f*****g realistic…”

            Jasper sighed and looked at him with his sleepy eyes. He was sick of Martin’s manners and his childish heartache. He knew what the love is and what it can make people do. He wouldn’t be in jail, if he hadn’t tasted the love. But he knew something about the love that Martin didn’t know.

            “You are hooked on your love so hard. It hurts you, doesn’t it?”

            “Totally! I barely sleep and in that short sleep times I see nightmares related to her. In the daytime I can’t stop thinking of her too. My heart is beating so fast, I am always in a depression and always I feel myself as if I need to wait for the guardian telling me I have a beautiful visitor named Violet. I know she will never come, but… I don’t know…”

            “You are ready to do everything for her am I right?”

            “Are you mad? I can sacrifice even my life for her. Like you have done before…”

            “Is the Love really worth everything? Every goddamn songs, poets, novels or stories related to love. All of that lover boys crying for their girls. Look I am a lover too, but I was thinking about it so much recently. What is the Love? Why we people always love someone even we suffer from it. Please answer my questions, enlighten me…Tell me about the love, happiness, life or anything. And all of that never ending fights for them…”

            Martin realized that he has never thought about the love or the life before. It just happens. It was pointless to search for a meaning.

            “It is too philosophic question for me.”

            “Too philosophic? What the f**k is philosophy? Do we need to be a philosopher for thinking about the world we live on? Even if we have to be a philosopher, so f*****g what? I am a punk that disowned by everyone. I rarely went to the school. I can’t remember the last book I have read. I am not a professor, but I think no one wants to see our philosophy license when we start to talk about the life.”

            Jasper’s words encouraged him. Okay, no one in that room was a philosopher maybe. But in his opinion it wasn’t matter now. Jasper was right. They don’t need a license for talking. Besides he has never heard Socrates or Plato had graduated from philosophy department.

            “You know what Jasper, you are right. Let’s talk!”

            Jasper satisfied from his answer and started to question him.

            “Who are you?”

            Walter decided to join that conversation.

            “I heard about that question before. As far as I know it is the hardest question of the history.”

            “Don’t you know who you are? I don’t need so much literal words. Just introduce yourself briefly.”

            Walter and Martin started to think. The first answer came from Walter.

            “I am… I am a man doesn’t have a life. I have never been in love, I have never been to the school and I… I have never known my own father. I guess, I am not a human too. Is there any difference from me and a bird in a cage? How can you call someone as a human, if he doesn’t have a life to live?”

            His last words have been barely understood. His voice got worse and worse during his speech. A tear was falling to his cheek from his eye. He added one thing to his words.

            “I have only one expectation from life. It is coming mother to see me. Just for one time. If I got to give my little figure to her I would really be the happiest human in the world. I don’t know what the life will bring to me. So I better finish that figure up in short time.”

            Walter showed his little wooden figure that he made by his own by carving. It was in the shape of a pigeon. Martin and Jasper easily predicted that it represents his longing for freedom and maybe for a peaceful world. A very better world for living… He was going to give it to his mother as he wanted her to feel free and peaceful too.

            After hearing Walter’s words, Jasper looked at Martin and said,

            “We heard Walter’s point of view about the life and happiness. Now you tell me about yours. What are your expectations from your life and what would make you the happiest human in the world?”

            Finally Martin found some words to tell Jasper.

            “Okay! First of all I want to get my freedom back. After getting my freedom, I guess I will keep running after my love…”

            “Oh Jesus Christ! You are still talking about the same thing. Is the love really the meaning of the life?”

            Martin a bit hesitated to answer it. But he had to do it.

            “Look as far as I know you are a disbeliever right?”

            “Completely!”

            “So, I was thinking about what we are? If we are a mass of atoms, just an organism that disappears after living forever, what will make our life special. There is no life after death. The only moment is that moment. In our lives it must be something that differs from other objects. I call it love. Loving someone despite all of that suffers, troubles and sadness. Giving someone’s life more value than yours. I don’t know what causes it. Hormones or souls? I don’t know. But I am sure that the only thing makes our life special is the Love…”

            “I call it hormones. Besides, no one said that your life or mine or his is special. You told that. Just a mass of atoms…  Live until you die and don’t look for something fairy.”

            Walter got a bit angry above his words.

            “You are saying it because you lost your hope Jasper. And you Martin... I partially accept you. I am a believer and I can’t accept everything is a mass of atoms. It must be something special and I call it our souls. They make us fall in love or miss someone. They give us the hope of living.”

            “That is totally bullshit! I am asking you Martin… You wanted your life to be special right? If you give everything you have to someone what remains? Just a broken heart of yours and a scene of your crush giving her everything to someone else. It is how the love works. No one gets happy, vice versa everyone lose their everything and drowns in their suffers.”

            “When I asked you why you are in prison because of a crime you didn’t commit while you can admit that was Alaska’s crime, you said I knew nothing about the love. Now what has changed? In one night what made you give up your love?”

            Jasper took a letter from under his pillow. It must be received while they were asleep. Jasper showed that letter and said,

            “This letter made me give up my love. This f*****g letter has changed my mind. Do you know from whom that letter comes? My goddamn father… He haven’t put me even one line, but now he sent me that f*****g letter saying my Alaska got engaged with someone else. What he was thinking? I lost Alaska forever then what? I will be a better son for my father now and I won’t be able to make something that feels him ashamed… Is that really what my father thinks? Hah… After that failed romance and prison experience I will stop listening Rock’n Roll and start to join church ceremonies you can be sure. I can’t believe in Alaska. How can she do this to me? Whatever… Love is worth nothing for me anymore…”

            Walter put his arm around Jasper’s shoulder. Jasper seemed so angry, but Walter could understand his feelings. Feeling like betrayed, disowned and lonely was burning his friend inside.

            “You are saying this because you feel angry. Once you break free, you will fall in love again and you will laugh at what you have just told us be sure you mass of atoms…”

            “You speak like only we will break free. Don’t you think you will get out of that jail one day and you will fall in love too?”

            “It is too much for me. Like I said I just want to see my mother and give her to my pigeon, that’s all. And I want her to forgive me.”

            Jasper really wished his claims to be happened. He surprised by Walter’s sudden question.

            “Martin will run after his love, I will wait for my mother and what about you? Don’t you have any plan after breaking free?”

            “Well… I don’t want to go back my father’s home and joining to church confessions with him. I will work so much, take a guitar and establish a rock band. I will travel all around the world with my band.”

            “And one day during your one of concerts you will fall in love with someone and get married with her…”

            “Don’t bullshit me Walter!”

            All of a sudden they heard the loud voice of the guard after the irritating door creaking.

            “You have a visitor Martin! Come with me!”

            Martin got shocked. Who was it? His parents…Or maybe the better, her Violet. What would he do now? He was imagining about her coming, but he never decided what to tell her. He was so excited that he had never been like it before. Her heart was about to explode. He moved to visitor’s room very slowly. He kept his breath and opened his eyes at the same time with opening of the door. It was really her! She was staring at her, but it was really not a warm looking. She looked very beautiful like every time. Whenever he looks into her eyes, he feels like he drowns in it. There was a strong wish to hug her inside of his brain. He wanted to hug her and not let her go forever. Why she couldn’t live him in the same way with Martin? What could Tom give her that Martin couldn’t? He wanted to run to her, caress her hair, keep her so close to him, give her a hug and kiss and asked her not to leave him forever. But all he could tell her was just an insincere hello…   

            “Hello to you Martin… I just want to keep that visit short. I have something to tell you after that I will leave you alone forever.”

            “Violet wait… I have something to tell you too. You can’t understand the meaning of unrequited love. You don’t know what kind of pains I am suffering from. You don’t know my sleepless nights because of your vision in my brain. Why don’t you understand I am dying because of your love. The guy you told that you loved or anyone can’t feel the same things about you. No one can give a stronger love than mine.”

            “Martin I can get your feelings. Besides you are so sweet, but it is love…I love him.”

            “We had so much time together in this summer. We had so much fun, we laughed together, we gave promises to each other. That was our special times that make our lives more special. The love makes our love special. Now what happened? Someone showed up and you said he was your love from your childhood. And all of a sudden all of that your feelings for me have gone. What is my blame? Not getting into your life before him? You lived something with me, you liked me, but his presence is enough for you to forget me and love him back just because you knew him for longer time? I don’t want to believe in you! You love me… Why can’t you just admit it?”

            Violet started to cry.

            “I won’t admit anything. You will ruin my life…”  

            “Never! I will never ruin your life…I am loving you! You told me before, you always wanted to be a star, you wanted to be an important person… I will always support you! Whenever you struggle to do something, I will always be there. You just love me back, I will do everything to make your life much beautiful by the opposite of ruining everything.”

            “You are right Martin! I know one day I will have a beautiful life, I know I will be a star, but in somebody else’s sky…”

            “But why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?”

            “Farewell Martin…”

            She eyed on Martin last time, stood up from her chair and left the visitor room. Martin walked away from the room and came into his ward. He even can’t think about anything anymore. He just wanted to close his eyes forever. Meanwhile he heard Jasper singing a song. He was whimpering Rajaz by Camel.

            “The souls of heaven are stars at night. They guide us on our way, until we meet again another day…”

            “But there is no star in my sky Jasper you hear me! There is no f*****g star in my sky to guide me. I have always been alone, no one liked me at all, and even my family, my friends or the girl I loved most. No one! No one wanted me in their lives. I have a totally empty sky…”

            “You can’t think like that just your crush didn’t love you back man! I am sure you have loads of friends...”

            “I have no one Jasper! I have no one…”

            Martin haven’t feel himself that much alone before. He didn’t want to talk about anything after her visit. He couldn’t have described his pain to Jasper or Walter. He just felt himself totally a mass of atoms. Jasper was right… There were no special things or souls even in love or life. A totally meaningless life and there is no one wants to hear his requiem. Why was he living for? The girl he loved most is gone because he didn’t get into her life before her ex-boyfriend. The life with souls and love shouldn’t have been that simple. He was sure about everything right now… There is no love, no souls or no god… He was just a mass of atoms, a member of evolutionary tree, a human, a very lonely human…

 

             

             

   

  

                                                                                      

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I like that you are using mostly dialogue to show us this story, how the interactions between the characters show us about them. At times, I'm feeling very intrigued by the conversation, wondering what will come next. It's interesting & compelling the reader to keep on reading to find out what happens next. The only thing I wonder is whether people in jail would really talk in a philosophical way? I think people in jail are not usually very introspective unless they've been in prison for many years & have had lots of time to think about life. At times your language is simple & rough, like people in jail might probably be talking, but at other times your language feels a little bit too elevated & sophisticated for this setting.

[Kay Beaver]

I get your point. Well, I have no idea how people in jail talk each other as I have never been in jail (thanks god). My purpose for creating this story is representing some kind of personalities, like innocance, rebelliousness, being obsessed and so on, by using captivated concrete people just live in a room. On the way representing that personalities I some times preferred to move away from the reality and focuse on the just abstract senses and dialogues that make us get this sense. Thank you for following the story and reviewing.

[barleygirl]

It's a big challenge to write such a static story, only being able to show what's in people's minds thru conversation (since they can't go anywhere or do much in a cell). You've done a remarkable job with these restrictions.

[Jacob Clifford]

I think perhaps one of the most difficult things about life is accepting things as they are. No love can ever be perfect. Sometimes there will be danger, and sometimes things simply aren't meant to be.

[Kay Beaver]

It is 5 am in my country right now and I have realized that the is really not worth anything that is why I couldn't have slept. All of that people that I am ready to give my heart , my life are always in someone else's sky. All the time those who love most suffer from the worst pains...

[Kay Beaver]

The love* is really not worth. Sorry for missing word

[Kay Beaver]

I am sorry for Martin in the same way with you... Don't you think it is time for Walter to meet his mother again? There is not so much time for him to finish up his carving... Just wait for the Day IV...