Disintegration of mind

I sit in this chair just dumb, deteriorating away into the void of my own mind. Eaten from the inside nothing seems to wake me from my deep sleep. Only sadness consumes my now empty shell with only a few laughs in between just to appeal to the people outside, to people who don't understand what demons lay behind a smile and a good laugh. People think I'm weird, strange but do they understand how draining it is to run away from the very demons, from the very thoughts that haunt you every night, every time you close your eyes. Do you know what it's like to see your whole life fall apart in front of you but the only thing you could do is just simply stand and watch and no amount of crying or turnarounds will help for the powers that be always know a way to put you in your place. Do you know how it feels to know your mind is at war with itself at every decision, every fork in the road? Yet sometimes it feels like a finish line appears but yet you remember no matter how far you run you still are being chased, still being eaten. Memories gone, knowledge lost, just sitting here dumb. What else could I say is it just paying bills to have a better life? Yet I already lost so much in this battle for what I don't even know and the only weapon I have left is hope that I come out on top and the dreams I have of escaping Yet those dreams are far in between and getting even further in between as I run. So here I sit a victim of a civil war in my own mind. Hands shaking sitting just dumb hoping the pain and troubles just disappear like my mind. 

Reviews

[girlandpen]

Great description here! Since this is only a paragraph, I feel you could easily break it apart into a poem format for ease of reading, but this level of description and imagery is something not seen a lot in people's writing nowadays