Between Strangers

I don’t know you

Yet I seek you out

I recognize that look

You are like me

Though other things drive you

I am looking just to feel

You are looking for comfort

Our eyes meet

Pupils dilate,

for a moment we see

We see what’s behind

The way that you look at me

I wish to turn away

Though pride and stubbornness

Determinately meet your gaze

I feel naked, my heart raising

If I was a crier I would cry

Fall apart as I let you see me

An honest moment

Between strangers

intense feelings surface

I surrender to vulnerability

I feel safe and understood

Looking into the eyes of a stranger

If only this was love

5^th of April 2015-04-06

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

so moments of instant attraction and racing thoughts you captured so well in your imageryr

[James O'Rourke]

This is an interesting piece Mai.

The first four lines set it up well. Looking for someone without knowing who it is you seek. Then the slow peeling away of layers (perhaps defensive barriers?) "I feel naked...If I was a crier I would cry." Near the end there's a little glimpse of hope: "I surrender to vulnerability/I feel safe and understood..." However, there is the lingering doubt or clarity of reality, "If only this was love," that really grabs the reader.

There are two lines that really stand out for me: "I am looking just to feel/You are looking for comfort." These lines set up an interesting dichotomy. Maybe not so much a dichotomy, but a division. You are looking to feel...anything, something. Seemingly in possession of nothing, so you're out in the world looking for anything the world could hand you. The other person looking for comfort. They've lost something important to them. So they naturally are looking for a shoulder, or at least an ear.

I really think you could play with these lines a little more. Possibly even do something to strengthen this little idea. It is a very central and cohesive point in the poem.

This piece has something good going on in it Mai. This could be one worth tweaking and adjusting if you're feeling particularly editorial. Thanks for putting it up. Talk to you soon!

[Mai L Nissen]

I did think that I could possibly tweak a thing or two, though laziness have kept me from trying :) Perhaps I will revisit and edit a bit, at some point. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I really aåppreciate it!

[Coyote Poetry]

Life teaches us many things. We will accept less or more sometimes.
"I surrender to vulnerability
I feel safe and understood
Looking into the eyes of a stranger
If only this was love"
True love comes rarely. I understand the above lines. "Between strangers" would be a good title. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry dear Mai.
Coyote

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you, Coyote. thank you for your suggestion, that title makes perfect sense :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad and you are welcome dear friend.

[zaisham9393]

I liked it.Awesome work :) !!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you :)