Last Night

A shot story of two best friends and a mysterious mistake

Last Night

 

                The morning sun drifted through the curtains making its way to lie across my face. Beckoning me to wake up. This is what I had been trying to avoid over the last few hours. I knew what I would have to deal with as soon as I opened my eyes. A bombardment of questions directed from a panic stricken friend that would be looking to me for answers.

                “Tommy, are you awake?” Vanessa said, with a trembling voice full of the sure signs she had been crying for a while.  “Yah” I replied with the understanding this was the beginning of a long day.

                Vanessa and I had been friends’ since the third grade and if ever there was a person that would follow me to the ends of the earth it would be her. I remember like it was yesterday, Vanessa was in the front of the class introducing herself as the new kid fresh from Nebraska. I thought to myself, this poor kid has no idea what’s she is doing in Chicago does she. Her dirty blond neatly curled hair gently resting on her shoulders, with a frame no larger than that of a preschooler. I could see the eyes of David and Gunther focused on her as if she was prey. It gave me a sickened feeling in my stomach as they were the school bullies and I for one know far too well how they think as I used to be best friends with them. That’s the moment I knew Vanessa and I were going to be pals rather she liked it or not. Since then I have protected Vanessa over a hundred times at least. For Vanessa’s graduation present I bought her a few lessons in a self-defense class. Who would of though by age twenty-four she would have become a weapon herself?   I just never expected her to do what she did last night.

                It was supposed to be a simple party celebrating her twenty-fourth birthday.  The guest list was both short and mum was the word regarding its whereabouts as over the years Vanessa had a way of making enemies. I blame myself mostly, because no matter right or wrong she knew I had her back.  Everything was perfect, everyone showed up including the delivery service for the kegs, I thought with my directions they would never show. Half way through the party David showed up, yep David the bully from third grade that never left Vanessa alone until two years ago when for some strange reason I’ll never know Vanessa agreed to date him.  Women, I will die never understanding them!  

                Vanessa and David dated for about two years, all they did was fight as David had to know her every move and hated that we were best friends. The relationship dissolved after that year, but they went back and forth for the whole second year. She said it was easier to go back to him than try and fight all the time because he was never going to leave her alone. Finally last month she had had enough. When she told him it was over she handed him a restraining order to close the deal. He laughed and tore it up in front of her. “What’s this supposed to do”? Protect you from me? I love you Vanessa and no one, not even you will get in the way of that”. Vanessa has been staying with me for the last month pretty much living in fear of what he might do.

                As David walked into the room the air became cold and you could hear a pin drop. The sound of shattering glass broke the silence. Frozen from fear Vanessa had dropped her glass and not even moved from the path of the glass shards. “Vanessa we need to talk”, David said in his sinister voice as if he was heartbroken and angry. As if he had some sort of foul power over her she walked straight to him and followed him outside. I grabbed my phone and texted her, ARE YOU OK?????? …..nothing. I told myself I would wait 10 minutes that was it and then I was going to get her. She always would get so mad when I stood up for her when it came to David, as if he was the good guy. So I waited. Not five minute after my texted I got a response…” party’s over meet me up front gg NOW!!!!! OMG NOW!”

                 I made the announcement that seemed to go unnoticed and walked to the door to see Vanessa standing there shaking and covered in blood.” Vanessa what…”.LETS GO NOW”! Vanessa interrupted as she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the direction of the car. The sounds of sirens shook the silence if the night. As we got into the car a panic filled me so intense my chest tightened to the point of pain. Vanessa what did you? It’s done he will never hurt me again…I didn’t mean to it just happened and now it’s too late, just go Tommy just drive God dam it!

                I still don’t know what happen last night and to be honest I don’t want to.

Reviews

[Mrsnyums]

Hi Melody,

Positively, I really enjoyed reading this story, the suspense builds well and my interest was maintained throughout. I like the title and the way you've used it in the sentence "I just never expected her to do what she did last night". It made me wonder what she had done, and want to continue reading to find out!

Constructively, it could do with an edit. There are a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors which I found distracting. For example, paragraph two: "sure sings" I think is supposed to read "sure signs", paragraph three: "pray" should be "prey". Paragraph 5: "I love you Vanessa and no one not, even you ..." I think the comma should be after "... and no one, not even you ...". Paragraph 6: "fowl power" should be "foul power", unless you were referring to the power of chickens lol! Also watch your sentence and paragraph breaks. Some of these could be tidied up a bit to help the story flow more naturally.

Overall, an excellent story which, with a few tweaks, would be even better. I really enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading more of your work. Well done!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I enjoyed reading this, it was an intense story. This kept me on the edge of my seat toward the end. I'm still wondering what happened, but I have an idea. Nice write!

[Craig2591]

Intense! I got caught up in it and am now wondering what happened.

"trembling voice full of the sure sings she had been crying for a while." doesn't make sense to me. Is it a typo?

"as if she was pray." should be "prey".

Good story!

[Gomer LePoet]

Cool and intense short story. Just the right amount of information to paint the picture and yet allow the story to flow. :)

[Brad]

damn, that was one hell of a ride!