Memoir of a 22 year old female Vietnamese American

A Story by Minh Diep

22 year old, female, Vietnamese American, middle child, 1.5 generation. Identity crisis.

F**K. I'm afraid I'm so self-absorbed and damaged, I'll never get better. NEVER. In therapy, they call that cognitive distortions. When I was 14, I wished I had amnesia. Now I'm 22 and I'm either a hypochondriac or I have serious mental issues. The cognitive distortion I'm exhibiting are called "all-or-nothing thinking" and "labeling". Google them.

It's 1:45 AM memorial day right now.

Why do some memories stick with us more than others? I remember this one time, when I was probably 17, I had to drive my dad home from a family party because he was drunk; he told me he didn't like me and trusted my brother more than me. I know, he was drunk and he didn't mean it, but it hurt. I was stupid, and I believed what he said. I was stupid, and I didn't know how to discern drunken slurs from my own truth. I was stupid and I didn't know how to protect myself. But I'm learning that's just how he is. He's not always hurtful. That makes it a bit more painful and confusing, but I'm learning not to let how other people behave affect me so much. That's just one memory though.

Brief outlining of origin: I was born in Saigon, Vietnam on January 9th 1990. Both parents were born in 1955. I have one older brother who is 7 years older than me and one younger sister who is 8 years younger. I came to the U.S. with my parents and brother in 1992.

I enjoyed elementary, middle, and high school. I was usually a nice and friendly kid, I cared for people, and I liked school. I treated others the way I wanted to be treated, kindly and I tried my best in most things I did.

Right now in my life, I'm 20 pounds heavier than I wished I was. I'm in intensive cognitive behavorial therapy and I have little motivation to live besides feeling obligated to. What has happened?