32. Stubborn

I opened eyes and gasped for air. I held onto my chest and felt my bandaged injuries. It didn't make sense. Wherever I was, it was too dark; there wasn't even a blinking light for a reference. I reached my arm out, a bed. Three pillows. Covered in a blanket. This wasn't right. I sat up painfully and put my right arm above my head. I still couldn't breathe. Where was I? I was certain I hadn't fallen asleep here. I began to panic and the tears fell silently. I swung my legs off the bed and looked towards the window as it lit up suddenly like a spotlight was being pointed at it. Then it dimmed again. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly; everything hurt. "Focus, 'Nettie. Moonlight. Clouds. It must be windy out. Now where are you?" I mentally asked. I looked around. Nothing looked familiar. Gingerly I put my foot down. I knew that with my injuries, I wouldn't be able to be quiet. I bit my lip and dried my eyes. "Come on! Find a way, 'Nettie," I mentally chided. I took a deep breath and looked around again. My eyes had adjusted to the dark light. The little moonlight pouring in from the window gave me dim idea of where I was. I saw two doors by the dresser. Against the wall by the door on the far side of the room, was lined up several cans. I looked to my left, there was an end table with a single lamp. That lamp was big and round. I knew I couldn't grab it with just one hand. Was there anything else I could use as a defensive weapon? My breathing became more more labored as I panicked. I got down on the floor and scooted towards the window, pulling with my right hand pushing with my left foot. I kept my right leg even with my body, raised in the air. I bit my lip in pain but kept quiet. I put my hand on the window and pushed. It was stuck. I needed to get out of here. I moved to the dresser so I could pull myself up; it was painful and slow going but I finally got the dresser. I leaned against it and took deep breaths as I heard the floor creaking behind me: the hallway! That meant escape! "Don't let them find you! Run," I commanded myself silently. I opened the door closest to me; it was the closet. I scowled; it'll have to do, I'd find an escape route later. I painfully crawled in and silently closed the door behind me as the other door opened. I wrapped both legs up to my chest and put my head on my knees, trying to muffle any gasps and sounds that may come from my mouth. "Come on, 'Nettie. Calm down!" I berated myself mentally as a sob began to come out.

"Doll?" A voice whispered. Doll? That was a safe term, right? I shouldn't feel threatened, but I couldn't connect the dots. My breaths became more labored and I began to weep. "Doll?" The voice asked again louder and with more alarm, his voice was a pleasant tenor that sounded sweet and like I should trust it; I was terrified though. He was close. I took another deep breath and held it. His footsteps were just outside my door. "Doll?" The second door opened. "Annette? D****t!" His footsteps retreated. Shortly after I heard pounding. I released the breath I was holding. "She's not in bed. I'm gonna need backup."

"What?" A second voice asked, it was very sleepy baritone voice that I couldn't place either. I cried again, biting my knee to keep me from making any noise. I heard two sets of footsteps come back into the room. "Did she go out the window? Is she in the bathroom?"

"No. I locked it earlier," the first voice said. "I didn't hear her hopping around. She didn't leave her room. She's got to be close." The closet opened and I held my breath, knowing I couldn't escape now.

"Don't grab me. Don't throw me over your shoulder. Go away," I begged mentally as my body shook with a sob. I released my breath and gasped for air. 

"Annette?" A soft voice inquired as his hand rested on my back. I tensed and wept. If he didn't know who I was, I couldn't trust him.

"Don't hurt me," I begged. The hand moved my hair off of my shoulder.

"Look at me. I would never hurt you. Look up, sister dear," the voice pleaded. Sister? Noah?! Did he have a cold? The voice was wrong, but sister! Slowly, I lifted my head, my breaths came in short gasps. They had turned on the lights. I looked at the face of the guy who opened the door. His face was etched in concern, but I didn't recognize him. He was shirtless and I covered my chest.

"Almost there! Can't have me," I gasped in terror and broke down again, my head resting on my knees. I wrapped my legs tighter to my body and shook in pain and fear. "You can't. No. Make it stop. Can't have me," I pleaded mentally. His hand rested on my back again. "Don't touch me! Not my brother," I wailed.

"Let me try," the first voice commanded. They switched places. "Hey, doll," he said softly. I knew that phrase! I looked up slowly and met his eyes.

"Pat? What are you doing here?" He grinned.

"I kinda live here, doll," he murmured. "What are you doing here?"

"I didn't recognize where I was. I heard footsteps. I panicked. I tried to crawl to safety," I replied between sobs as I wrapped my right arm tighter around my torso. "Wake up! Wake up! Bad dream! Come on, 'Nettie!" I pleaded internally.

"Her fight or flight instinct took over. Did you move her after she crashed?" The second voice asked. I looked around Pat at the shirtless guy behind him. He kept his distance with a relaxed pose. This was wrong! Why? Wasn't he trying to hurt me? I bit my lip. Everything was fuzzy and I couldn't make sense of anything. I looked at Pat again, my lungs constricted, and I began to hyperventilate. Pat stood up and offered me his hand. I looked at it skeptically but accepted it. He pulled me to his arms and held onto my waist. I wept on his shoulder as I wrapped my arm around his side and held onto his shoulder blade.

"She was asleep on the couch before I was dressed for my run. I figured she'd be more comfortable in the bed," Pat explained. He stroked my hair and took slow breaths. I copied him to the best of my ability; I took four breaths to his one.

"Remember how she said she woke up in a new room every time she went to sleep," the second voice inquired. I still couldn't place him and it caused me to shiver in fear. "Remember how her brother said her brain has several of it's own self defense mechanisms?" Pat must have nodded. "I think that's what happened again."

"Again?" I asked as I took another deep breath as I hid my face in Pat's chest. I did this before? I tried to focus. I listened to Pat's rhythmic breathing again. I was now taking two breaths to his one. The tears still fell and sobs shook my body. I tried to recall what happened and where I was. The past couple of days were foggy. However, I seemed to recall something - it was clear. "I thought. No. I thought he said I only do that when I hit my head! Did I dream that? It happened. Right? It's not a dream. Noah said that. He had to have. He said that," I mumbled as I tried to step back from Pat's arms, trying to convince myself too. He released one arm, dried my eyes, and shook his head. "I didn't hit my head!" I insisted.

"No, doll. You didn't. I'm going to move you to the bed. Okay?" Pat asked. I nodded then looked down at my outfit and blushed. My right knee rubbed against my left thigh nervously. I removed my arm from around Pat and tugged on the shirt I was wearing. 

"Where are my pants?" I whispered. Both men chuckled. 

"In a minute, doll. Let's go sit down. You're swaying," Pat insisted as he picked me up and set me on the bed. He took the comforter and folded it over my legs. Pat tried to move away. I grabbed his hand and made him sit beside me. The second guy leaned against the dresser, keeping his pose open, friendly, and non-threatening.

"Why do you guys insist on waking up so early?" He yawned into his fist. I studied his face. I concluded that I knew him, but from where? A light bulb clicked in my head. 

"Tyler?" I asked in a surprised tone. He looked up mid yawn and grinned. I lowered my head and openly wept. "No. No. No! 'Nettie, calm down right now! It's bad enough you scared your host, but now you got a brother who is scared too! Stop it right now," I mentally berated myself. I took some calming breaths and looked up again. I needed answers; I couldn't understand how I could keep forgetting things, important things. "What happened?" I demanded after my sobs finally subsided, looking for answers from either of them. When I met Pat's eye, he grinned at me and I sat frozen.

"Doll, you're cutting off circulation to my hand," Pat snickered holding up our hands. I looked at them.

"I thought you said you had no feeling in your left side," I retorted. I loosened my grip slightly, but I didn't let go. "I'm sorry." He grinned again. 

"It's okay, doll," Pat reassured. I nodded and looked back at my newly adopted brother.

"Tyler, I'm sorry. You are my brother; I love how protective you are of me. Thank you. Seeing you shirtless put me back in that room, with the last encounter. Will you please wear a shirt to bed from now on?" I requested. Tyler gave me a grin has he folded his arms in front of him.

"I can do that. Are you okay?" Tyler asked kindly. I shook my head.

"I don't like feeling foggy. What's going on?" I demanded. Tyler held up both of his hands. 

"Don't look at me for answers, I was just trying to sleep. It's just after 4am. I'm here to help calm you. Pat seems to have it well in hand, so if it's okay, I'd like to go back to bed," Tyler stated with another yawn. I looked at Pat then back at Tyler. Finally, I nodded, It wasn't fair to keep them both up; I didn't want to keep either of them up.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. 

"Thanks for another kick started day, sister dear. You keep it interesting," Tyler teased wearily as he left the room and I looked back at Pat. He looked worried.

"I didn't mean to upset you," I began. Pat put a finger on my lips, stopping me from speaking anymore. 

"I don't sleep well. I haven't since I've been stateside again. To give you a clear idea of my sleeping habits, since the 12th last month, I've slept all night twice. Yes, it's considered normal for me. I usually get 2-4 hours of sleep a day. It's not a problem. I usually occupy my time cleaning or running; it helps the time pass. I've been checking on you every so often to make sure you're still breathing and what not. To be honest, I wish you were still being monitored in the hospital. However, I'm glad you're here," Pat admitted as he dropped his finger from my lips. I gave him a small smile.

"No wonder your home is so immaculate. I fear I'm totally going to disrupt your peace," I confessed as I dropped my eyes. I admired the comforter again. "Try as I might, I always end up failing in one way or another."

"You're not a failure. Most definitely the furthest thing from a failure," Pat murmured as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I looked up at him.

"You're doing it again," I whispered as I dropped my eyes and blushed.

"Porcelain doll?" He guessed. I nodded. He leaned over and kissed my temple. I closed my eyes and he stopped kissing my head. He stroked my hand and I opened my eyes again. He was sitting back again, looking at me in such a way, I didn't want it to stop. It felt heartwarming. "Based on the state of mind I just found you in, I'd say it's accurate," he teased. I snickered softly and he bopped my nose. "Tell me what's going on in that head, doll."

"I'm still confused. I hate that that my memories are screwed up. I fear that I'm broken. Then you come in," I began. I looked down at our hands and started to rub his hand with my thumb. "Doll! Doll! Doll!" I repeated softly and looked him in the eyes. "You're the only one who has ever called me that. It threw me," I confessed. He brought his hand to my cheek and stroked it tenderly; it was very comforting. "I felt confused. But the 'doll' was breaking through the fog. I'm sorry that I was afraid you were going to hurt me. Thank you for the shirt and the comfy bed and for just being you." I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes. I took another deep breath as I bit my lip.

"What is it, doll?" Pat asked. I opened my eyes but kept my gaze on the comforter in my lap and pursed my lips. He lifted my chin, looked me in the eyes, and breathed softly, "'Nettie." My heart pounded and my cheeks flushed. "Don't hesitate. Just ask. What is it?"

"I want to be selfish but it's disrespectful to you. Especially since you're pining over someone," I said nervously as I bit my lip again. Pat moved his hand to my neck and gently stroked my jawline.

"You can ask me anything, doll," he promised. I looked up at him again and sighed.

"Can you help me to the bathroom? I'm going to think this over before I ask the other thing," I murmured. Pat chuckled and help me stand up. I finally released his hand and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. He hugged me around my waist and carried me to the bathroom. He set me down gingerly and pointed his finger at me. "No hopping," I confirmed before he said anything. He grinned and closed the door. I quickly took care of business. My prediction had been correct and I thanked my lucky stars as I took out a tampon and fresh pad from the bag Linda had brought. My periods were always light, but because of my injuries, I was okay with taking extra precautions. I wrapped all my garbage thoroughly in toilet paper and threw it away. I sighed as I stood up. How could I be so exhausted? I barely did anything. I pulled up my underwear and leaned against the wall. I flushed the toilet and took some deep breaths. Every breath hurt. "Pat," I whispered as I felt like I was losing consciousness. My breathing was slow and shallow and I knew I needed help. He opened the door and immediately rushed over. He used his hips to continue to support me and took both hands to the side of my face. I slumped into his shoulder as my leg buckled from under me, unable to support my weight anymore.

"Annette!" Pat shrieked. 

"Weak," I mumbled as I tried to stand again. "Hands."

"No, doll. You promised not to hurt yourself again. Come on. I'm putting you in bed. I'll get a washcloth and wash your hand. Then you're wearing the mask," Pat ordered. I tried to nod as he picked me up and carried me back to my room. He laid me on the center of the bed and propped three pillows behind my head so I was sitting up some. I lifted my right arm above my head and he nodded his approval. He disappeared back into the bathroom momentarily. I focused on my breathing, trying to take deep breaths. He came back out with a wet washcloth and a hand towel and sat beside me to the left. He grabbed my hand and washed it before draping my hand above my head again. Then he quickly dried it. His brow was furrowed in concern. He put both items in the same hand and stroked my face again. "Annette, are you in pain?" 

"Little," I rasped. "No more pills," I begged. His eyes glistened as he stood up. He disappeared into the bathroom again. He came back out emptied handed, walked over to the end table, and turned the light on.

"I'll be right back, doll. Stay awake. Keep breathing," he ordered. I gave him a thumb's up sign. He left the room and I continued to pant. Things were hurting more than they should be. I sat up and pressed on my chest and groaned as my eyes rolled back in my head and I fell into the pillows again. I took several breaths before sitting up again. I couldn't just let the pain win. I grabbed a pillow from behind my head and moved it the left side of my body. I then tried to take my sling off. Pat came in with my teddy bear and oxygen tank. "What are you doing, doll?" He demanded as he put everything down on the floor in a haste and climbed into the bed with me.

"Ribs!" I managed; I needed to breathe. I was feeling lightheaded again. I needed them wrapped now.

"Face the window. We're taking your shirt off," Pat ordered. Thankfully, he understood and I didn't have to tell him more. I tried to turn my body. Everything felt stuck. He looked at my face and picked me up, turning me 90° counterclockwise. He pulled the pillow up beside me. He stood up and closed the door. Then he took the comforter off the bed and draped it over the window. He opened the closet and pulled out a white fluffy robe. "I'll do my best not to look at your chest, Annette, but I need to see ribs and the bruising. I'll stay behind you the whole time," Pat explained apologetically as he offered me the robe. I held onto it and met his eyes.

"I trust you, wholeheartedly," I whispered as I gasped for more air. I was slowly losing the battle for the strength to stay awake and desperately needed his help. Thankfully, he seemed to know exactly what to do which meant I didn't have to walk him through it; which was great because talking and breathing were not going hand-in-hand for me any more. He nodded, kissed the top of my head, and moved behind me. I draped the robe on my lap and wrapped it around my hips as he took my sling off.

"Okay, doll. Slide your right arm out. I'm going to lift your shirt now," Pat explained quietly. I nodded. My head felt heavy and I found it difficult to hold it up. I bit my lip as I threaded my arm out. He cautiously lifted it over my head and it slid down my left arm. I covered my chest with my right arm, tried to pull the robe up too, and blushed. "Doll, I know you feel exposed and embarrassed but really that doesn't help. Could you lift your arm over your head?" Pat pleaded quietly. I nodded again and did as he asked. His hands gently pressed on my back. He moved to my right side first. He gingerly pressed down on the end of the rib. I flinched as he worked his way forward. He wrapped his left arm around my waist as he applied more pressure. "Forgive me, doll, but I need to know," Pat begged. My eyes rolled back and I fell into him. He found the other two and pressed on them as well. "Which one hurts the most?" He asked. His voice was muffled, and my shoulder blade received a breath of air. He was still respecting my modesty. I smiled. "One? Two? Or three?" He asked lightly pressing on each one.

"Two!" I gasped.

"Better or worse with pressure?" He asked as he cupped his whole hand over it and pressed gently. I took another breath.

"Better," I confirmed. He lowered my arm and pulled up the robe to my shoulders. "Thank you," I whispered.

"Only partially done," he replied. I nodded. "I'm going to move to the other side now. Stay awake a while longer, doll." I nodded again and held the robe with my hand as he adjusted and worked on my left side. There he found two tender spots. Both were better with pressure. My body was breaking at the seams and needed help holding me together. That made me want to giggle, but I refrained because I knew it would hurt badly.

"Told you, breathing will be the death of me," I whispered as Pat had me lay back into the stack of pillows. I pulled the robe up and watched him.

"Keep fighting. You're icing these tomorrow, but for now, I'll do what I can to help," he promised as he stood up and walked over to the dresser. He opened two drawers and began to test the flexibility of the fabric. Satisfied, he brought over a black top. It looked like it should belong on a little kid. 

"What's that?" I asked wearily.

"Um. I'm not exactly sure. I believe it's some form of a sports bra. There's no sleeves, it's tight. It'll work like an ace bandage. I gave one of mine to that Ryan kid. Josh set the other one down, but I don't remember where at the moment. I'd hate to wake Tyler up again to see if he has one; he's pretty worn out. Please, put this on?" Pat begged. I nodded. He sat down behind me again. Gingerly, he lifted my left arm. He quickly threaded his shirt the rest of the way off and threaded this fabric over my arm and head. I weaved my right arm through and he pulled it down. I adjusted my breasts and took another breath. It seemed easier. He threaded his shirt back over my head and put my arm back in the sling. He turned me 90° clockwise and set the pillows flat before laying me back down. Once he stood up, I sat up and watched him. "Okay, Annette. If you're not going to lay down now, I need you to breathe as deeply as you can," Pat ordered. I nodded. He studied me for a moment before he turned off the overhead light, grabbed the comforter, set it at the foot of the bed, and climbed in beside me. He scooted me a couple of inches over. The oxygen mask was put on my face. I felt him fidgeting so I studied his back in confusion; he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Then he adjusted himself on the bed and I watched over my right shoulder. He had taken off his prosthetic leg and was now setting up a pillow where his leg should be. He lifted my right leg and set it on the pillow. Then he was laying down on one of my pillows, setting up another off to his side, and the final one by his shoulder. Then he opened his arms, beckoning me to lay with him. I looked at him hesitantly. He seemed to be able to read my mind; yes, I was exhausted but no, I didn't know if I should be in someone's arms. He was taking the perfect host too far. "Doll, come here," he coaxed. I gave in and rested my head in the crook of his shoulder, pulling the robe over my shoulders as I shivered. I wasn't afraid anymore, just genuinely cold. He had positioned the pillows just right so that there was one under my back and the other off to the side resting under the edge of my shoulder and supporting my arm. His hand rested on my left hip. I pressed with my left leg and pushed my body into his; he was warm and I couldn't stop shivering. My right hand stayed on my left shoulder as I looked back at him in confusion. He gave me a small smile. "You were contemplating being selfish. You didn't want to let go of my hand. You said you were on the fence because I'm pining over someone. You need me. What was it you said in the hospital? 'Please stay, you calm me and I need that.' After whatever just happened, I'm not going anywhere, doll. Rest. We'll talk about taking pills in the morning. I don't think that your issue is with them. I think it's with what happens afterwards. They shouldn't be making your brain scramble." I sat up and looked at him. He opened one eye and ran his left hand up and down my hip. "I'll be right here, doll. No more surprises. That light is staying on. Now go back to sleep, 'Nettie." He closed his eye again. I looked at the tube to the oxygen tank. It crossed his body. I took off the mask.

"Thank you for being such a gentleman. What if I end up hurting you? This oxygen tube could wrap around your throat and suffocate you. I'm not okay with that," I stated. He opened both his eyes and looked at me sternly. He grabbed my hand and made me put the mask back on. I continued to stare at him. He rolled his eyes and picked up the tank. He rolled behind me and put it on my side of the bed. He flung the tube over my body so I wasn't wrapped in it either.

"Happy, doll?" He said playfully. I nodded and lay back down in his arms, his left arm cradled my shoulders, but held onto my hip still. He looked down at me. He adjusted my robe again so it covered me better. I shivered again and tried to curl up. He sighed and grabbed the comforter, covering my legs. Then he tucked the robe around my torso better. "Better?" He whispered, tucking it under him as he rolled to his side. I nodded. He grinned, pushed my hair behind my ear, and stroked my cheek. I looked in his eyes, hoping he would talk to me again; it was rather comforting. "Is this okay, Annette?" He asked quietly. I nodded and snuggled in closer. "Then why are you still staring? You need rest," Pat insisted. I rolled my eyes. He chuckled. "Okay. You can stay up for a little bit longer. I feel like I'm rebuking a little kid, trying to convince her that sleeping is okay," he teased causing me to giggle softly. "So are you going to want french toast in the morning?" I grinned and gave him a small nod. "I'll get you french toast. Just go to sleep, doll. I'm staying right here by your side. I'll take your mask off before I go to sleep. I won't touch you more than this. With your breathing and mind being so haywire, I'm just not letting you sleep alone tonight, but if you'd rather, I can set up on the floor," he offered. I shook my head, grabbed his right hand, and pulled myself closer to him, meeting his eye to see if it was okay. He grinned and helped me accomplish my task. I released his hand and pulled the comforter up closer as I shivered yet again; once again he was willing to help. "You won't be moved again. I was careless. I'm sorry. I should have paid attention to your story better," he whispered as he kissed my forehead. I grinned and closed my eyes. He continued to stroke my cheek until I drifted off. It was coming quickly but I still managed to hear him murmur, "sleep well, doll. Thank you for letting me hold you."