A letter to my father

A letter to my father

A Story by Lynaelee
"

If I could say something, anything to my dad, what would it be? Would I bring up the pain and heartache? Would I forgive him? Had he not died, would I say these words today?

"
Although we didn't get along most of the time, you were there when it counted. 
I tried to avoid you like every other guy because I didn't want to get majorly hurt. 
You have shown me, no matter what you do, heartache will always come.
Eventually, I would do what all daughters do and beg you to hold me.
You have shown me that not all things can be avoided and that pain takes time to heal.

I have heard it said that a daddy is a girl's best friend; I have never seen that to be true.
However, I have noticed in most cases, that the father always tries to make sure his little girl is happy and thriving. 

Growing up, I made excuses for you. I understood you were busy.
I understood that the discipline was to help me, not hurt me.
I understood you were trying.
In the public eye, you were the perfect father. I wanted more at home. 
I did what I thought you wanted me to do.
I did what should have made you proud.
I always fell flat. 

Recently, I have come across letters you wrote to me as I grew up. 
"Baby Girl, you skinned your knee today. Your first thought was to run to me.
Another day, another pain I can't take away. My misery is met by the bottle.
Your tears can fill it. When you lay your head down at night, 
I look at you and wonder, did I do something wrong.
I can't get you to look at me. You refuse to bring your friends over.
Boys are interested, but you're terrified, finding any excuse you can to avoid them.
You hide your nose in a book and I couldn't be prouder. After all, they're just trouble.
There's a whole new world out there for you to see.  
Baby Girl, it's time to open your eyes. I don't want you to leap, but you're ready.
I see him looking at you. I know he'll take care of you.
I see you smile at him and I know, I've lost you for good, my Baby Girl no more."

On paper, you were awesome.
How could I be your Baby Girl then, then in front of you, your mistake.
If only I had the chance to talk to you. 
I would let you know that I love you, despite your many failures.
I would hug you tighter one last time.
I would look for your approval and hope to find it.
I would give you the forgiveness you didn't know you needed.
Most of all, I would look in your eyes and finally see me through them.
Just like you always wanted me to: as your Baby Girl



© 2017 Lynaelee



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Featured Review

This is just a downright masterpiece! This makes me think of my father and my relationship with him. It is hard to have a connection with your parent sometimes. I go through periods when I think I hate them but deep inside, I never will. Beautiful letter.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lynaelee

7 Months Ago

As a parent myself, I can look at my kids now and see where my dad was coming from. It hurt growing .. read more
Lynaelee

7 Months Ago

Thank you for reviewing my work. I appreciate any and all feedback.
Gina

7 Months Ago

Yes that is very true. You cannot expect a child understand why a parent makes you feel isolated. Yo.. read more



Reviews

its very sweet, i love it. Shows how vunrable kids can be and how much care must be given.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Lynaelee

1 Month Ago

Thank you for taking time to read and review! It is a daunting thought to know how much parenting, o.. read more
Wow Lyn.......this is heart gripping......very painful to read......took me back in my early years.......I hope times are better for you now......childhood pain stays with you thru life......I know it well......purple luv & hugs your way xo :)

Posted 1 Month Ago


Lynaelee

1 Month Ago

Thank you for taking time to read this. Unfortunately, since he died before I wrote thos, I'm sure t.. read more
Purpleflower

1 Month Ago

Dear Lyn......the healing procces des not begin with things we can't change.......but the things we .. read more
Lynaelee

1 Month Ago

:) Again, thank you for your kind words. Like I said, I believe I am in a great mindset; I've always.. read more
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Jav
This is so perceptive it does not matter if you are dads boy or girl..this touches me in so many levels with my father. it takes courage to write like this.
javaid

Posted 5 Months Ago


Lynaelee

5 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you can relate - after all that is the ultimate goal. I'm gl.. read more
Talking about your rfelationship with your father can be very hard. Particularly as it changes as you grow older. You get to the stage when you discover your father is just human and this can be a difficult discovery. I think you have made a good attempt at putting this into words.
Well done
Alan

Posted 7 Months Ago


Lynaelee

7 Months Ago

Thank you for reading my work. I appreciate your kind words.
This is just a downright masterpiece! This makes me think of my father and my relationship with him. It is hard to have a connection with your parent sometimes. I go through periods when I think I hate them but deep inside, I never will. Beautiful letter.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lynaelee

7 Months Ago

As a parent myself, I can look at my kids now and see where my dad was coming from. It hurt growing .. read more
Lynaelee

7 Months Ago

Thank you for reviewing my work. I appreciate any and all feedback.
Gina

7 Months Ago

Yes that is very true. You cannot expect a child understand why a parent makes you feel isolated. Yo.. read more
Hugs and commiserations dear one. We all have such different experiences from absolutely wholesome and perfect to dysfunctional and perverted. Your experience so well expressed gives me hope and healing...write on...

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lynaelee

7 Months Ago

Thank you for taking time to review my work! I'm glad this piece spoke to you. There's always room f.. read more
Ouch. It pierced my heart. . I'm sort of jealous of you. My father died when I was 4 years old and I only have very few memories of him. There are so many things I would like to tell him too like you. Sigh.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lynaelee

8 Months Ago

Thank you for taking time to review my work. I'm sorry for your loss as well. Life is precious and f.. read more
MPYuHee

7 Months Ago

You are always welcome. Yes indeed right. We should let them know before it's too late. :)

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7 Reviews
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Added on February 25, 2017
Last Updated on April 2, 2017

Author

Lynaelee
Lynaelee

About
Sometimes I feel like I need an outlet to express myself. I have never been good with verbal communication, but I have always found an out in writing. I hurt. I bleed. I make mistakes. I cry. Yes,.. more..

Writing
Sometimes Sometimes

A Story by Lynaelee