RED

A Poem by Mollie Emery

just a little slam poem i wrote about the color red

When I see you I see Red.

The red lipstick mark you left on my cheek as you dropped my off to school, telling me not to worry about the red blood that filled my mouth which I had earned the day before.

All I asked was why there was an orange pill jar tucked between your red blouse and breast as you lie on the kitchen floor.

Red Sirens pulled up.

Men with code red expressions were wrapping you in red blankets.

I knew the ambulance officer; red hair and red rosy cheeks.

He told me to go to my neighbours house, not reporting anything because he knew my brother and I wouldn’t survive moving from red brick home to red brick home.

And no this aint no “white picket fence” story, because white is boring.

White is purity and innocence, none of which I carry

My parents didn’t want to marry.

It was meant to be death till they parted but they dead long before they even started.

Red. Now that’s a sharp colour. The colour of passion, lust and desire or evil , deliverance and fire.

Yes, Love and Hate.Two four letter words that are the colour red .

Both H A T E and L O V E is what I F E E L for you.

When I see you I see red.

I see the red bow I tied in my hair every day to feel like the other girls.

With their red nails and red love hearts on their pencil cases.

Till this day I cannot draw a perfect love heart; but I can draw an oval which represents the number of times you managed to show up for me.

When I see you I see red.

I see the red tic-tacs the doctor made you carry around.

Like a bell on a cat, they shook as you walked, making a noise so we could find you in hopes that you hadn’t gone and turned yourself blue.

When I see you I see red.

I see the red gumboots I stole off my neighbours porch because my brothers feet were stone cold.

With no sole to warm his soul, his feet were red raw to the bone till those red boots made him feel a little less alone.

When I see you I see red.

I see the red tail lights as you were taken away.

“Call your daddy on the telephone” you mumbled. And I did.

I held that red wired phone up to my ear for 3 hours just to hear nothing but a dial tone or an operator.

When I see you I see red.

I see the red flushed, embarrassed cheeks of my teachers asking where my lunch was.

When I see you I see red.

I see the red gel pan I forged my first sick note with because I had to go to the store to buy red apples, with change I got from the red jar on the fridge that was meant to pay for mummy’s pills and daddy’s cigarettes.

When I see you I see the red hard cover of the bible I stole from a hotel/motel room across the road from the hospital. This guy god promised to do the impossible. With his red robes and disciples, he was not the kind of hero I needed. What I need was my little brother to smile.

When I see you I see red.

I see all the Christmas`s and Birthdays and mud pies, and crayon masterpieces, and pancake messes and young love confessions that you missed you on because you were too tired. While I was desperate.

I see scripts, medication, hospital bills and tiny coloured pills that were paid by searching for coins in between red lounge cushions.

I see white tin cans with bold black text spelling spaghetti or beans or some kinds of tin canned cuisine.

Most of all, I see the red roses that lay on a coffin.

And not crying because I had already wasted all of my tears on you. This red river was dried up. It had already carved through red canyons and fallen from red skies and filled the red seas.

When I see you I see red. When I see red I remember you.

And at times I wish that I was colourblind; my head aches the colour red.

In my sleep I’m dreaming red;

On my flannelette sheet bed,

Where I once realised instead,

That people can’t really live in your head,

Not unless they pay the proper rent.

Well I’m the land lord and I say, your lease has come to an end.

Good bye, Red