Happy Fricking Holidays!

Happy Fricking Holidays!

A Poem by Michael Stevens
"

Another Kool-Aider!

"


Up on the rooftop, there arose such a clatter,


I sprang from my bed to see what's the matter



I put on my jacket and staggered out in the snow,


I had an idea what it was, but for certain, I didn't 


know



I took my 12-gauge, 'cause I've seen on Fox that lots 


of drug-


addicted minorities want to steal my big screen, thugs



are everywhere, a white guy like me can't be too 


careful



I saw a dark shadow, so I thought about giving the 


trigger a pull,




but called out in frightful panic, "who's f*****g up 


there?"


"Santa Claus", he answered, and I'm gonna need some 


new underwear,



I knew at that moment, it sure as hell wasn't jolly old 


St. Nick,


just a loser looking to take what's legally mine--'click'



sounded quietly in the otherwise silent night,


giving fair warning that I had him in my sights



"Don't f*****g move or I'll exercise my 2nd Amendment,


God-given rights," thought I saw movement, and off 


it went,



the thunderous blast echoing up and down the street,


there was a 'thud' as he hit the snow like a sack of 


bloody meat



I cautiously approached him and kicked him in the 


back,


just to make sure, then felt for a pulse, which he 


lacked



Siren wails soon marred the quiet and formerly-


peaceful scene,


as I looked at the body--it wasn't recognizable, his 


face I mean



He'd done a great impression of making a blood angel 


in the snow,


I looked at him, tried to place him, but I just didn't 


know



He wore some kind of old-fashioned red-colored 


disguise,


had two empty sockets that used to hold his eyes



The cops arrived, and hid behind their cars, 


screaming, "drop it, punk!"


I took one more glance at the bleeding, faceless, 


quiet hunk



of humanity lying in the snow, staining it red,


dropped the weapon, and put my hand behind my 


head



I was immediately tackled, then shackled, and 


hauled to my feet,


then one officer took me to a patrol car, opened the 


door, saying, "have a seat."



When we got to the jail, the other cops glowered at 


my sight,


The guard said, "They'll be a lot of pissed kids, have a 


good night."



Next day, a picture of me, wearing orange, above the 


headline,


"Santa-Killer!" Well, I'll be damned, the f****r was 


real, fine!






© 2017 Michael Stevens


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Reviews

That was funny. Happy holidays!!!!!! 'Merica

Posted 6 Years Ago


Michael Stevens

6 Years Ago

Thanks, Virtue, and Merry Christmas to you, also!

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Added on December 24, 2017
Last Updated on December 24, 2017
Tags: Santa, shot

Author

Michael Stevens
Michael Stevens

About
I write for fun; I write comedy pieces and some dramatic stuff. I have no formal writing education, and I have a fear of being told I suck, and maybe I should give up on writing, and get a job makin.. more..

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