Amber Colored Liquid

Amber Colored Liquid

A Poem by Angelheaded Hipster
"

Drinking leads to swimming

"
Im trying to be okay
trying to push this
away
but I cant

Im working
on myself the best
I can through
the booze
the tears
the laughs
but I cant
 
Im trying to accept
that for now
I am the other one
i am trying to accept
that I am worthy
that I am good enough
but for now
the bottle shows me
that its far easier
to drown the
fears
emotions
tears
laughs
 
I dont want to feel this
I dont want to be drawn
but its a magnet
that pulls me to the taste
the smell
the desire
the wanting
 
I didnt ask for this
yes I wanted this
yes I dreamt of this
but goddamn it
 
not like this
its not for me
I wish it were
I want it
I taste it
 
Im trying to be okay
Im trying to leave you be
Im trying...
 
But its still there.
It will always be there
and I dont want
to smother
to suffocate
to f**k this up
but Im well on
my way
 
With the booze
with the tears
with the laughter
that Im so good at

© 2010 Angelheaded Hipster


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Featured Review

The "other" never begins or ends our hurt. We bring it with us. The "other" being who they are (and consequently, not who we think or hope they are) naturally disappoints our expectations. Bingo, we get to feel the hurt again. The hurt never goes away by itself; it's always there, until it is nurtured. We try to buffer it; we try to find another to carry it; we try to forget it; but until we take it in hand and walk with it in the light of day and nurture it like a hurt child (which it is) in our care (which it is) it will always resurrect itself in these painful scenarios. Ain't it a b***h?

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

God knows, I'm no psychoanalyst or sage, so I'l just stick to the nuts and bolts lol I really like the line breaks and diction - I think it was Plath who was asked why she didn't write longer lines, to which she responded, "oh my nature is far to anxious to writer longer lines" - longer lines tend to be for reflective,contemplative pieces, and this seems more of a stream-of-thought purging. Tears and laughter set a dichotomy, and booze (and the "other" as Ed Hart stated) seem to be merely a catalyst in this poem to reach both destinies. I like the ambiguity of the 4th stanza...are you drawn to romance or boooze hesitenty? intoxication of the physique and psyche

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

My friend Tommy drank quite a lot of beer for his whole life and it was never an issue until someone made it an dilemma. A very functional musical artist that would remind you of early Talking Heads music. Never abusive or out of control. He moved in with a devote Buddhist from Switzerland who apparently tolerated his nightly drinking and song-writing for several months and became aggravated by it.
she confronted him to no avail (it was a pleasure and source of creativity for him.)
She went to her spiritual teacher (a Rinpoche) and he said that Tommy still had not consumed his karmic fill of beer and had many gallons left before he would stop naturally and since he never interrupted or was at odds with her meditations and practices she should not interfere with his.
Jack

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You know, I have come to the conclusion that if I am not medicating by the means of a prescription meant for treating my manic depression, which now has been taken from me due to the fact I have lost my insurance, I feel I will never quite. I am able to go for around a month without drinking without feeling like,

" I dont want to feel this
I dont want to be drawn
but its a magnet
that pulls me to the taste
the smell
the desire
the wanting"

However no matter how hard,

" Im trying to be okay
Im trying to leave you be
Im trying..."


It seems I am always setting myself up for failure. I am week and I know this truly, because I always go back.

" With the booze
with the tears
with the laughter
that Im so good at"


I always feel so guilty after words, like I said, I feel week, and this pains me deeply, because I am trying so hard, but this is the life I live and this is how I get by.

Thanks for sharing, and your right, this piece if vary similar to my piece "Drinking and Dreaming."
RLG,
Tommy

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very powerful write that is moving. Written with a great flow and heart. Ed Hart is speaks the truth. An very poignant write. Well expressed...

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Why do we humans always use artificial pleasures to try and balance the pain, cause it is so easy to do... really powerful work again.

Posted 14 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Intense and touching friend:) The ebb and flow of life itself in a swoop of great emotional imagery! Like it a lot :) Poppy

Posted 14 Years Ago


(Ssh, no such word as can't. xx)

The short lines make the poignancy excrutiating but in a good way. And you are very good at the laughter too. There's going to be a lot of people who relate to this and it should therefore go into Amber Classic Collection. :) Determined to get a collection out of you, haha.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ed Hart is a wise man. Lynne is a wise woman. You are reaching out with your words and we are so lucky to be here reading you. A very human write.

Posted 14 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Sister,
Ed really said it all.I will add this"
"You are a glorious child of the univererse. A woman of worth and value..always"

Blessings:-)

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

The "other" never begins or ends our hurt. We bring it with us. The "other" being who they are (and consequently, not who we think or hope they are) naturally disappoints our expectations. Bingo, we get to feel the hurt again. The hurt never goes away by itself; it's always there, until it is nurtured. We try to buffer it; we try to find another to carry it; we try to forget it; but until we take it in hand and walk with it in the light of day and nurture it like a hurt child (which it is) in our care (which it is) it will always resurrect itself in these painful scenarios. Ain't it a b***h?

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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10 Reviews
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Added on February 11, 2010
Last Updated on February 11, 2010

Author

Angelheaded Hipster
Angelheaded Hipster

My name is Amber....my friends call me.....Amber, GA



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"God made my body and if it is dirty, then the imperfection lies with the Manufacturer, not the product. Do not remove this tag under the penalty of the law." ~ Lenny Bruce "I don't care to belong .. more..

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