Flayed

Flayed

A Poem by Angelheaded Hipster
"

Listening to the butterfly...

"
I want to be under your gaze
Hold me tight with your grip
don't let me squirm and hide
under the blankets,
make my body confess what
it needs, it wants from you

Place me under the microscope
know my flaws personally, know
me as your lover, your violin,
bring music out of my electric
pulse as an approval of your
movements and words whispered
in my ear for me alone

Bring me to that edge, shove
me over, make me fall, shatter
make me break my will of not
wanting to feel anything but
primal pleasures of the flesh

Make me see that there's more
to this than an exchange of pure
energies between lustful creatures.

© 2010 Angelheaded Hipster



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Featured Review

I really enjoyed this, a smart, sexy piece that has all the edginess of yours that I've come to expect from your poetry, but this has something else too - the rawness, the violence in the piece - "Bring me to that edge, shove / me over, make me fall, shatter" - brings to mind Emily Dickinson's slave-master relationship, the overwhelming power of a lover and the (scary) vulnerability that is required with it - to be "under the microscope."
That being said, I think the ending has to carry a bigger punch, that same "energy" that you have in the beginning is lost by just saying energy and not really following through like you did in the earlier stanzas. Maybe some of Ms. Dickinson's brevity would help here - the length of the blade doesn't matter when it's as sharp as this one! :)
thanks for sharing,
and it's good reading you again
-- gc

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

A compelling piece full of appealing imagery. With some apt word choices and a energetic and natural feel to it. A interesting read.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good to see you haven't lost your touch. I love the brilliance and the irony that comes from this. The play on the scenerio and the of course the excellence in the use of words and descriptions. The word choice is good and I like the change I think you made if I read the other review correctly. Always good to know you can come back and find a reminder why we do this. An excellent work.

Posted 7 Years Ago


As always, you have a way of portraying both intimacy and vulnerability - it's like poems spoken through the lips of a discarded rag doll. I like the gentle imperatives of hold, make, place, bring, it adds a cohesion to this otherwise sporadic piece, and the allusion to the butterfly and dissection/microscope further deepens the meaning. The one thing I didn't like was "electric smile" I thought that was a little too sentimental, and you could've gone a lot of different great ways with that line - something like "electric pulse"? something that can reflect/connect to "pure energies" I think would be better. Other than that minor detail, it compelled, as always.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I really enjoyed this, a smart, sexy piece that has all the edginess of yours that I've come to expect from your poetry, but this has something else too - the rawness, the violence in the piece - "Bring me to that edge, shove / me over, make me fall, shatter" - brings to mind Emily Dickinson's slave-master relationship, the overwhelming power of a lover and the (scary) vulnerability that is required with it - to be "under the microscope."
That being said, I think the ending has to carry a bigger punch, that same "energy" that you have in the beginning is lost by just saying energy and not really following through like you did in the earlier stanzas. Maybe some of Ms. Dickinson's brevity would help here - the length of the blade doesn't matter when it's as sharp as this one! :)
thanks for sharing,
and it's good reading you again
-- gc

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 20, 2010
Last Updated on July 20, 2010

Author

Angelheaded Hipster
Angelheaded Hipster

My name is Amber....my friends call me.....Amber, GA



About
"God made my body and if it is dirty, then the imperfection lies with the Manufacturer, not the product. Do not remove this tag under the penalty of the law." ~ Lenny Bruce "I don't care to belong .. more..

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