Strays

Cats...

there they are -

feeding.

Under the hoods of cars,

peeping out from drains.

So many of them, that at first, I don't see the lady.

But there she is -

the kind benefactress

of tonight's feline fiesta.

My mum averts her eyes.

No one else sees her.

And we walk past

to have our dinner.

Reviews

[Nick]

The imagery is so strong in this! It's like there's just enough description of the scenery to steer your brain towards one picture while leaving the imagination to paint the rest of the picture. I'm also very fixated on the phrase "feline fiesta". I love the alliteration that this creates and the overall effect that it adds to the poem. It also leaves me wondering what age the speaker is in this piece. If it's meant to be a child, the "feline fiesta" could mean something totally different than if it was being said or written in the perspective of a young adult / adult. Really great piece!

[monono]

Ah that's a good question. I usually write from a personal point of view as a young adult. It's quotidian and otherwise unremarkable -- people feed cats here in my neighbourhood quite often --but I just thought to write in it a slightly jaded tone. Thanks for the read and comment, Nick!

[DiskartetHaraya]

I like the flow of this. The line cuts help regulate it, and the varying sentence structures and the images they focus on all feel refreshing. I like how the lady is introduced later on--how it's set in our minds that there are many strays, only to be later reminded of their neediness(?) by her. I also like how sudden the introduction of the mum was, making me feel like I'm being told, "don't mind them. Eat your dinner." The sole rhyme works, too, creating emphasis and impact. Title is perf. Overall, a 100 for me.

[monono]

Thanks for the really thoughtful comment, glad that you liked it! :)