ouch

they slam my head against the floor

my brain is bruised

my existence aroosed

death seems so far away

but it's okay it's just another day

even the caring of the caring no longer care

no one loves me not here and not there

death is now very near

but its okay it's just another day

daddy please I love you with you gone I don't know what to do

Death is now just a breath away

but it's okay it's just another day

live

love

gone

hate

thats the order life operates

can you guess what comes next?

it involves no breath

pst...it's called death

Reviews

[Zak]

This work is intriguing. It deals with death and pain and suffering, but it doesn't give that feeling when you read it. It's got the words, but the dead feeling is not in there, I don't think.
I don't know if you want it that way, but that is what it comes across as.
The diction is good, though. Very simple, clear choice of words.

[Bella-Marie]

I found this piece frustrating to read but well-worth the confusion. When I re-read it, I found lots of hidden meaning, in-depth thoughts and a healthy touch of greusome description. HOWEVER... I found one part extremely confusing, that was the "Daddy" part. Huh? What? Maybe better paragraphing? The last two sentences hooked me in really well - that was AWESOME!