Dots...(A Humorous Rant)

Those green ones will get you every time...

 

Hi.
I'm about to go on a long rant of how much I hate mystery flavored dots (the gummy candies), so be prepared. Seriously, grab some popcorn & drinks and get settled in because this could get pretty intense.
I'm talking mega, ultra, extreme, outlandish, radical, revolutionary, outré...and many other adjectives that fit in between those lines. Now you are probably thinking well, when is she actually going to start the said 'rant' about these said 'dots.' Oh, it's coming, no doubt about that. I just want you to be prepared. Ready? Okay, so here goes:

Dots. I hope you know what dots are because if you don't then you do not deserve your sense of smell. Got it. Okay. Now during the Halloween season, they come up with these random ploys, or 'advertisements', (whatever, they're ploys), to get you to buy their 'new' product. The victim’s mother fell for this particular ploy. This time it was mystery, or ghost dots. Now usually dots are all bright and colorful and you can tell which flavor you are about to eat by the color it is. Oooooh No, not with these 'ghost dots'. They are all the same friggin color! And you know what color that is??? Huh, well do ya?! FREAKING CLEAR! LIGHT GREENISH CLEAR! LIKE GLOW IN THE DARK CLEAR, but not actually glow in the dark...no really, I tested them. Much disappointment. Anyways, back to my point...YOU CAN'T TELL WHICH FLAVOR YOU ARE EATING!!! ARG! Now you are probably wondering, 'why is this such a problem, dots are delicious.' NOT THE GREEN ONES! The green ones are FREAKING ICK! Like seriously, throw them in a lake or something, they would blend in! But the best part, when you are eating your wonderful dots, all the ones so far are the good flavors, like cherry, strawberry, and orange, and you come down to that very last dot. The dot that matters most. It could determine the entire outcome of future civilization. You want to savor that last dot, because you don't have anymore and you want to remember it and the memories the other flavored dots have given you. You begin to bite into that life altering dot, the anticipation is killing you. Your whole sanity is tittering on the outcome of the flavor of this one special dot. Then you taste it. GREEN. You die a little on the inside, verging on tears because you never wanted it to end this way. All you ever asked for was a little compassion from those little 'ghosts' haunting the cover of the box. Them and their evil little smirks. You crush the cardboard container with your fingers, smashing those smiles away. Darn them and their mysterious candies. You vow to never touch the sugary delights again. At least until Halloween is over and the regular box of dots return. Luring you with that bright yellow box and the delightful colored dots littered across the cover. You give into the gummy treats...only this time, cautiously picking out the sickening green before it plagues the entire set.

Okay I'm done.
:]

 

 

Author's Note

Complete nonsense...but a true story none the less.

Reviews

[D Kupisiewicz]

I've never seen these ghost dots, but I'm sure they are the tool of satan.
Why would your mother buy these for you... Why?
Are you sure that she likes you?
This is as bad as mystery flavoured kool aid.

Thanks for the laugh, David

[nostal]

I liked it.

[-Aurelia Mirella]

Oh my!

Hahah, I found your rant to be quite entertaining. :]

It's funny how you mentioned that you tested to see if they glowed in the dark. My friend and I tried the same thing, and it didn't work. So lame...we ended up throwing them at cars anyways. haha

Sorry to hear that your last dot experience was ruined. :/

Always,
-Aurelia Mirella

[An owl on the moon]

Beautiful nonsense! Thank you for this amazing rant! I laughed intensely, and I haven't laughed for awhile! I will never look at Dots the same again... and the green will never seem so ordinary... :))))))))))))))))))))

Craig

[Fallen_Immortal]

Ranting is great, I'll admit. Ranting about Dots, verging on the border of insane, which is perfectly and wonderfuly great.

Thanks for the laugh.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I think you are insane! The green dots are the absolute BEST dots. The yellow ones are bughck.