Through the last dark alley

Losing all signals..
Giving up any vision..
Shut down my senses..
I'd like to resign from all the tension

Way too much happening..
Like a dark elixir of evil concoctions
Beyond my power to reason..
Pushed into a deathly dungeon..

You'd come with a helping hand..
An empathetic charm put up for deception
I'm not a victim, though
I chose to carve your path in..

But before the ultimate closure..
There's just this one thing I wonder..
Was it something that I did wrong..
Or was it just fate playing all along

A stark realist that was..
Led on to a surreal atlantis..
Driven to a pretty little pipe dream
A smooth illusion.. without no seam

You warned me though..
In your defense..
You weren't all you seemed..
And there is one attached string..
That you're sure there'd be an ugly disillusionment in the offing

I won't lie now that it's our last dialog..
I knew it wouldn't last..
The light against the darkness..
Just the shimmer of a darker spell being cast

I knew as I rose back..
It was just to sink back lower..
The lit up road to annihilation..
Chosen over the blind alley of soltitude..

Not a first for my person..
Falling into a whim..
Escaping the usual spectre..
Thinking of how it drew in..
How it became the final call..
I think of you and your ways.. but trust me, with due regard..
It wasn't a fault.. not yours atleast..
It's just again destiny.. hoisted with my own petard

As I descend my final descent..
As I walk past your last fabrication..
Breaking away from its grip.. strong
I'm left with my last swan song

I'm shouting out how it's ending..
Peaced out too numbness..
Drawn is that final curtain..
Gone is my last of audiences..
Gone are you to lend again your sovereign presence..
To another supposed distressed existence..

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

I am noticing a trend in your work. You have a strong vocabulary and for the most part you know how to use it, but you can't seem to decide what form you want your pieces to be in. This one does the same as the others I've seen and flits between free verse and rhyming couplets with no real pattern to it all. Once again, your use of language to communicate an idea is destroying the poem's natural form.

My suggestion is to abandon all pretense of rhyme; write free verse. It will come more easily and maybe you won't be cramming six extra syllables into a line.

The poem itself is dark and haunting and all those things, but I'm getting so distracted by the choppy form that I had to read it twice to make sure.

[.]

. moved to tears ...

[harman kour]

deeply touching di and great imagery and vocab (i had to luk up in the dictionary few times) :)
I can relate to this very well:
Losing all signals..
Giving up any vision..
Shut down my senses..
I'd like to resign from all the tension

A wonderful poem truly :)

[Alicante lullaby]

wow..loved it.i have read you before,you seem to be mastering.

[Simple_mee]

Wow ,, this is sooo good !! Now..Now who was telling me not to read HER writes? :P ... Di your pen is a marvel.
The imagery u created was very vivid and great !! Loved it.
Cud find nothing wrong as far as the technicals are concerned... :)

[The Tea Party Mouse.]

This is so sad. It gives a solitary feeling. I like the title as it seems so fitting.

[shayne]

I enjoyed this piece. Couldn't be better :)

[StoryTailor]

Haha, you are excellent at these pieces, just so you know. I enjoy reading them, really and truly. They tell a miniature story. And the emotions are portrayed so magnificently! Another marvelous piece, I assure you!

[deeps]

Wow! This is quite the powerful write here. I like this alot your emotions are protrayed so very well.

[Dev]

The imagery you have used is soo good.. The emotions are not finite and come across clearly.. A piece to be proud of !! :) xx