As it ends...

As it ends...

A Poem by apocalypse
"

How it doesn't always end bitter. Yet the people involved are hurt.

"
A kiss planted on your forehead,
To seal all left unsaid.
His probable last touch,
And it leaves you blue...
You're numb enough to even conceive...
As he prays on.. your God to bless you

© 2010 apocalypse



Author's Note

apocalypse
My first shot at anything at all related to "love" and "heartbreak" or any of those many related emotions. Short. Abrupt. Maybe even lame. But, I had to begin somewhere, so let this be it !! Ready for the reviews though!

My Review

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Featured Review

Yep, short abrupt and a little bit lame, but a decent starting point. I'm not a big fan of the last line; it sticks out as strange both with its content and technically. Also, be careful not to overuse ellipses (...). A well placed one can heighten the mood. Too many just looks silly. Still, I've seen worse.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

The first line is very well put...very nice verse

Posted 7 Years Ago


Very abrupt but I did like it. Except the third line it was to blocky to achieve the sweet effect

Posted 7 Years Ago


Good beginning, not so great ending. Try doing a re-write and see what you come up with. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


I...can't...get myself...to review this...:(

The message is there and I understand but it's not the compelling. It's not as strong as the usual emotion is but it is raw. What I really appreciate is the tenderness of the goodbye. Technicals...hmmm. For a poem so short, I couldn't really assess it as much. The flow is good. :D

Good job and nice to see you back. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


hehe. I HAVE TO DO THIS !!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW .. :P haha.. you can kill me later :P

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Yep, short abrupt and a little bit lame, but a decent starting point. I'm not a big fan of the last line; it sticks out as strange both with its content and technically. Also, be careful not to overuse ellipses (...). A well placed one can heighten the mood. Too many just looks silly. Still, I've seen worse.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Anyhow its emotional and really beautiful. =)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think this is wonderful. This is written so well. I really enjoyed this write. Flows so well and has a wonderful meaning to it.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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477 Views
8 Reviews
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Added on March 22, 2010
Last Updated on March 22, 2010
Tags: love, heartbreak, end

Author

apocalypse
apocalypse

jammu, India



About
Haven't exactly figured out the "What i am" aspect of me. Self-introspection doesn't happen to be one my best talents. I am intrigued by the morose nuances of life, but that doesn't make me any less.. more..

Writing
If only If only

A Poem by apocalypse



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