*~6~*

*~6~*

A Chapter by Michelle Raye

Stake out

 

"Take your pill, darling. It'll help you sleep peacefully." Azure's mother coaxed her daughter sweetly. She smiled as Azure put the pill in her mouth and took a drink of water. Her mother stood up from the edge of Azure's bed and turned around. "Good night, Azure." She said clicking the button to shut the door for the night. As soon as the coast was clear Azure grimaced and turned to the water she had sat on her night stand. She spit the pill in it and stuck out her tongue in disgust.

"I hate that taste..." She muttered. She swung her feet over the side of the bed, the blanket only dragging with them half way. And Azure walked over to her window and watched. She watched every twinkling light in every window of the city flicker off. She watched every Utopian go to bed and sleep peacefully with the help of those sick pills. And Azure watched the streets below. Any sign of movement... Any sign of just the slightest motion... Azure was on high alert.

If they returned, Azure knew this would pose as a problem in the city. If there was no sign of them, Azure would shrug it off, say it was just another image in her head, and ignore any memory of it. She prayed she wouldn't see them tonight. Maybe then she would have no real reason to go see the OnLookers tomorrow...

Movement... No... But... It was. Azure saw something below catch her eye. The hole had suddenly appeared. She didn't even notice it open! Through the thick glass window between her and the outside world, she heard a loud crash. Startled, she yelped and jumped back. With her hand on her chest, she tried to catch her breath. She had no clue what that noise was... But it couldn't be good.

 

*~/~*

 

"Watch it, Aina!" Whispered a voice in the night. The shadow moved against the wall and looked up at the head tower of the city. "Shhh... They may be watching..." He glared up at the large window looking over the city. The smaller shadow looked at him nervously.

"I-I didn't see it. I didn't mean to knock it over..." The small voice replied shaking. The shadow moved next to him.

He couldn't see her eyes, but he knew she was scared. They both held cloaks over them. Black cloaks to help them sneak into the night without being noticed by anyone who wasn't face to face with them. The girl looked up at him. "It's hard to see. I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was there." She pleaded, trying to make him understand.

"Calm down, Aina. I know you didn't mean to and I'm sorry we have to wear these." He looked away and stared at the small green lights in every room. The window locks, he knew. Every window had them. Their destination would no doubt have them too. He turned to her. "Did you bring the key?"

The girl nodded and dug through her pockets of  her ripped jeans. She pulled out a thick stick that was very short in size. It's tip extended off the sides in a specific fashion. The side the girl held was in the shape of a square, a hole stabbed in the middle of it. Age and sewage from below had slightly rusted the handle. The girl reached under her cloak to hand it to him. "Here."

He took it and pulled it close to his chest. "Do you remember your mission?" He asked her, knowing she did. Find the Furnace Building before any sign of daylight could make itself visible. At the Furnace Building, they would mark it's location in the city and head back into the sewers. Then, they would spend daytime hours in Utopia preparing to return to the spot, where they would then break into the building and get as much food and necessities they needed and go back into the UnderGround city without leaving a trace of their existance behind. He nodded to her and she ran off in the opposite direction her was standing. Then he turned his back to her's and ran the other way.

 

*~/~*

 

Azure had her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. They moved so silently, so swiftly! She watched them split apart. She could barely see them from her window. She had her head against the glass to see just shapes. And they weren't human shaped...

Her eyes were so wide... She could barely breath... She felt herself on the verge of fainting. Azure's biggest flaw. When in shock, Azure had been known to faint. She stepped backwards and fell when she reached her bed. She climbed under the covers, wishing, hoping, praying it was all in her head. She actually wanted to be crazy! She wanted to be insane! She climbed under her covers. She had to tell someone! She didn't want to get in trouble though... But she had a duty to the city. She shut her eyes, her hands now over her ears and she crawled under the covers. She shut her eyes, and let sleep over take her.

Azure didn't wake up before sunrise. She forced herself to stay asleep. After her little watch-out of the city streets tonight, and the added knowledge she didn't want to know, she knew that not even the most beautiful sunrise could calm her down.




© 2009 Michelle Raye



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I was planning on adding more information on the UnderGrounders later on in the story actually

Posted 7 Years Ago


There are so many ways you can describe this scene better! If Aina and the other UnderGrounders are going to stay in the book, you should include so much more on them! Include their journey through the city. Include their thoughts on Utopian societies. Include their thoughts on their lives, how they live. Do they think that living Underground with freedom is better than living in the Utopian society with no freedom? There is so much that can be extended, don't just think about the "now" of the story, think about developing everything (i.e. description of characters, personalities, thought-process of characters, description of city, its restrictions, and everything else you can think of!)

I'm sorry to be so critical, but I'm only following a single story in this book, and if you include the UnderGrounders' stories as well (Like, starting them right now), it would keep me hooked for as long as you want!

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on November 23, 2009


Author

Michelle Raye
Michelle Raye

Riverview, MI



About
Salut! Je m'appelle Michelle! Je suis 17 ans. (Hello! My name is Michelle! I have 17 years!) Part-time daughter of a single parent, Part-time girlfriend to loving guy, and a full-time pain towards.. more..

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A Chapter by Michelle Raye