Broken

Broken

A by Michelle Raye
"

A sad... whatever.... piece of writing

"

She touched the gentle petals softly...

Her fingers had been pricked by these thorns before...

Blood poured from the tips of her injured hands...

She stared at the window...

Her heart was longing for a rose that wouldn't hurt her...

Longing for a rose without thorns...

A contract without the fine print...

A hand that isn't rough...

She saw her rose behind her watering eyes...

She saw her rose prickling the fingers of another girl...

Touching the girl as he once touched her...

Her tears fed the rose...

She had plenty to give...

After what her last rose did...

This one could never hurt her as bad...

She fought back the urge to relive the moment...

The moment she walked in...

On her once beautiful rose...


© 2009 Michelle Raye



Author's Note

Michelle Raye
I'm depressed....

My Review

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Reviews

It's always at the sad times in my life where I tend to write the most powerful poetry. The "..." really help emphasize the hurt & longing in this piece. It was beautiful...

Posted 1 Year Ago


Beautiful piece. Very sad, but full of hope at the same time. Good Job.

Posted 1 Year Ago


its awesome!!! definitely awesome..i love it...really a piece of a gem..

Posted 7 Years Ago


this is a sad yet cool poem, awesome job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


I know exactly how you feel. This feeling comes to me all too often and it makes me feel like writing. I love how the rose tells a story.. a love story I would guess, but in the same sense, maybe not.. a classic.

Great write


Posted 7 Years Ago


wonderfull, i think you did a great job with the flow of the poem, the metaphor refurring to the rose as a person you onced loved was agan wonderfull! but what i like the most was how you included the rose belonging to another. this poem shows the hurtfull side of love, i do hope you continue with your poems. ^^

Posted 7 Years Ago


This is kinda sad sounds like a lost love but you can't let go. I like this love rips us apart but can mend us back together again.
Two thumbs up and a little pinky

Lionman

Posted 7 Years Ago


I was so impressed by this writing that I had to respond in kind...poetic, of course.
from a young beautiful bud,came the rose,it's scent filling the air,it's grace and beauty made each day sparkle,the thorn is just a prick,tormenting the rose into solitude,greedy for love,but only thinking of itself,
the thorn is hard,sharp and unforgiving,while the rose remains tender, beautiful and compassionate...

Posted 7 Years Ago


It doesn't sound right to say "I really like this poem", because the content is pretty sad, it's almost like you're saying "Man you should be depressed more often, it makes for good poetry." Obviously this isn't what I mean, but I will say this is done very well. A rose is the perfect metaphor for a relationship gone bad, particularly if you still have feelings for that person, so beautiful on the surface but underneath the flower will cut you. I can picture the poor girl stroking the pedals weeping to herself, how sad, hopefully there will be a happy ending.

The only criticism I have, and I'm no poetry buff so I guess take it with a grain of salt, but I think the flow and rhythm could use a little work. Mostly eliminating words, like "Her fingers had been pricked by these thorns before", maybe take out "had been", or "she saw her rose behind her watering eyes", maybe take out the "her" before "watering eyes". That's really the only suggestion I have.

other than that nice job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


i like this piece. But sadness isn't forever. it will pass :)

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on December 2, 2009

Author

Michelle Raye
Michelle Raye

Riverview, MI



About
Salut! Je m'appelle Michelle! Je suis 17 ans. (Hello! My name is Michelle! I have 17 years!) Part-time daughter of a single parent, Part-time girlfriend to loving guy, and a full-time pain towards.. more..

Writing
Chapter 1 Chapter 1

A Chapter by Michelle Raye



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