I had to today

Learning

I hurt today
I hurt today it's true.
I cried today
I cried for you

I lied today
I lied today it's true
I hid it all today
I hid everything for you

I broke today
I broke because of you
I fell apart today
I fell apart and you knew

I'm leaving today
I'm leaving it's true
I chose him today
He was better than you

Reviews

[Sabbath_Nikole]

Nice! I did the repeating the first three words. not too much for this piece was very brief, an intersting change of heart in the last five words. Keep it coming girl.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Sweet poem. It would make a great song.
It almost has a blues vibe.

[Senseless whatever]

This is a good one. Well formed and emotional. Great job.

[The Water Queen]

I would have to agree with Lex Belaguer about the lines being a bit too much. It seemed a bit more demanding of attention then just a beautiful poem. But all in all this poem was great and it got me reading.

My favorite stanza was this:
"I'm leaving today
I'm leaving it's true
I chose him today
He was better than you"

Good write.

[J. Alexis Balaguer]

The consistency of lines was a bit too much. Perhaps it's just me but I would say it could have been better if the line structures vary. Still to compensate, you wrote your lines like rain. A drop after drop. And that my friend, is good.

I actually like this poem a lot. The beginning stresses a disappointing situation, however the persona breaks free in the end--"moving on".

My favorite lines:
I broke today
I broke because of you
I fell apart today
I fell apart and you knew

Good write.
PS. Please limit your read requests. :)
Keep writing,
Alex

[Sunny]

sometimes you have to give up what you believe you love for something that you'll not only love MORE but that will love you better

[ashley]

Wow, this is just... wow. Fantastic doesn't cover it. Amazing. :D