I Can't Lose Her

A Story by L. T.

Laylah messed up with her best friend and doesn't know how to fix it.

My bestfriend means the whole world to me, she knows me better than anybody and can help me when I need her most. She makes me smile and laugh whenever I'm around her. I can’t lose her.

But I can’t blame her if she wants to, I mean, if I was her I would’ve left a long time ago. I get that it gets overwhelming, always having to deal with drama. I feel guilty always texting her when I have a problem, and she feels like her problems aren’t as important as mine. But it’s not my fault that everything seems to be going wrong in my life. It’s not my fault that this is the way it has to be, or maybe it is. I mean think about it, I’m the one who stopped going to sessions to see my father. If I would’ve kept going maybe things would be different, but no one would know for sure. I miss her. I know she’s hurting too. But she won’t talk to me, she doesn’t want to. I’ve caused her too much pain, and I can’t fix what I’ve started. I can’t lose her.

What can I do? I feel so useless, but I can’t give up. Even though every part of me wants to forget everything and move on. I have too much to deal with right now, I can’t add anything else to my plate or else I feel I might lash out at someone. I try to think what Audrey would tell me right now if she was here. Laylah! You need to just breathe and don’t worry about it. Everything's going to be fine, I promise. That’s what she usually would tell me if I was freaking out. Then she would tell me, that she is always here for me whenever I need her.

I don’t think she can promise everything’s going to be fine anymore. Whenever she needs me I’m never there for her, she’s always there for me. What am I supposed to do? I can’t lose her.