Confession of A Indian Man - After Breakup - Day-1

A tale of Break-up from the mindset of a Man !

Break-up Story - Day-1

Its been almost 25 days, that I haven't heard from her. With each day, I'm pushing myself in to some darkness. More I am thinking about it, the more I missing her. The more I am missing her, the more I am thinking about it. It seems like a chain reaction or cycle of events which refuse to end easily. I am feeling worthless, I have no interest left, I can only see negativity all around.

With the broken heart I woke up at 10 in the morning, Just like any other guy, I keep my cellphone under my pillow when I sleep, so that I may look on to a call or message as soon as it approach me before missing any single second. As per routine, I checked the phone for all those important and valuable messages which i had missed during the time when I was asleep. But, these days I'm looking for message or notification from a particular person. You may call it as a side-effect after Break-up that you start missing that person so much that you haven't missed when you were in love.There were 15 messages but not a single one from her. Phew ! She is so firm. 

Though, this had proved that surely she had moved on after break-up, but I am still so much in to her. For a moment, I decided not to call or text her again ever. Its already 11. Phew ! I'm late for work. My boss never says anything when I reach office late, but he makes few ugly expressions which I surely want to avoid.

On way my way to office, I couldn't control but kept on thinking about her. What she must be doing now ? She must had her breakfast by now. She must be chatting with her new group, what she must be wearing, I have done so wrong with her, How I'm gonna ever find a girl like her, and so on. I gave a thought about calling her up. Then, thought about my promise of not to call her again and dropped the idea.

Its almost 2 PM now, my lunch time is going on. We used to talk during this time in our Good days. But, after break-up I am spending this time contemplating about my mistakes and ignorance towards her. Its my fault, I should try calling her again. Please god forgive me. Let me try just one more time. I hope she'll pic up the call. Though, I had deleted her contact information from Cell phone I still remember her phone no. And hence, I called her. Ring Ring !! Ring Ring !! She din't pick up. With this I have completed a score of almost 72 calls all of which went unnoticed. After getting ignored, mind said Text her..text her..at least she'll get to know about whats going on in your mind. So I texted her - 

"Dear Esha, Please talk to me. I can't live without you. I'm sorry for my rudeness. I'm ready for any kind of commitment now. I love you so much. Please pick up ". 

With a hope that my text will help creating a field for me. I called again. Ring Ring !! Ring Ring !! She din't pick up.

Shattered, Broken, I went more in to depression. I don't know when I'll get out of it. After two consecutive failures I thought about writing an email to her, before I could knew my hands were writing typing on keyboard..I was emailing her..and Sent !

I waited for the reply, for the whole day. I waited ! I waited !

Its Evening.. !! Oh, I hate Evenings and Nights.. they make me feel aloof. I had reached back home, and I'm still thinking about her. We used to talk all the time during my way back home. We were in long-distance relationship since it started. But, till now we were managing things quite efficiently. I know I'm responsible for its bad shape today and just thinking about it is making me gloomy.

Its 12.30 in the night, and I'm still waiting to hear anything from her. I am missing her so much. Since whole day I have made 15 calls to her, Score must be around 87 by now, I have texted 8 message and had missed her every second. I'm going through deep pain..I'm heartbroke. Whatever it is, I'm still firm that I'll keep on loving her..no matter how long it takes ! I am unable to sleep till 3.15 AM, Finally I decided to text her again.

"Dear Esha, Please Please come back.. I wont repeat my mistakes again.. I know I was rude.. But I never stopped loving you..though I wasn't able to show you then but I will take care of it now.. Please come back.."

I started crying after this.. and din't knew when I slept..

Author's Note

Dear Reader,
If You can, Please help me coming out of this stage. I'm completely broken.
- Authur

Reviews

[Dan Hiland]

Are you referring to this piece you have written- or to your emotional state?
As for your writing, it is a good start. Very emotional and descriptive and honest. Most of us have been heartbroken so it's easy for the reader to identify and sympathize with you. The pain is there.
Obviously, this needs to be revised for grammar, so the words flow better.
If you are referring to your present emotional state, writing can be very therapeutic, but to get the most out of the experience- especially when you are in pain- you should sit down and write until you have nothing else to say. It may take an hour or two, but it is great practice for improving your writing.
Thanks for sharing. We have all been there, so be patient with yourself and others. Keep writing and meditating, and it will work out in the end.

[My Favorite Writer !]

Dear Dan,
Thanks for reviewing it so soon. As far as your question is considered, this is my present stage of mind. I failed in love, and don't know how to bounce back. Your comments are quite valuable.

[Dan Hiland]

In my experience, I survived heartbreak when I discovered that that girl was not the right one for me- and when I did find the woman I was to marry, I was so grateful that the earlier relationship hadn't worked out. It took me ten years to find the right woman. Along the way I suffered a lot of romantic failures, but learned a lot, as well. The hardest part for me was to not get bitter about life or love.
I failed for a while, then bounced back. Prayer, writing, music, movies, books, and more writing helped a lot.
I also had to learn to develop friendships with women so that infatuation stopped being my first move with them. That was also hard to do, but worth the effort.
For now, if I were you, I would focus on something else so you don't drive yourself mad. Write about this experience in depth- but also write something funny from your past, or try some essays.
The important thing is to stay busy doing something creative. It will help make up for the potentially destructive feelings and actions you might otherwise experience.
I've been through it. I know exactly what you are writing about and feeling.
Write, write, write- and share it all here. We'll help you out.

[My Favorite Writer !]

Thanks Dan, for taking out time for me. I really appreciate your concerns. And I should tell you I thought about each and every word you suggested above. I'm in to dance and social work. I would surely join some NGO and Dance academy so that I may divert my mind out of it. You gave me a moral boost. But, still I don't what I want. I want to be alone, and just think about it. I don't enjoy social gatherings anymore. I wish I'll get over it soon.

[Dan Hiland]

Then write about this. It will help you...