"The You Without The Me"

Unrequited Love gone good :)

 

 

“The You Without The Me”

 

You told me that you loved me

Now I know you lied

Did you think I’d wither?

Curl up? Wish I’d died?

 

How sad to be so broken

To lie to one so true

You have no clue what love is

Deception’s what you do

 

I won’t spend time obsessing

the you without the me

Your web of lies are binding

I’m glad to be set free

 

One day you’ll fall in love with

someone you’ll think is real

But she won’t love you back

Won’t share the way you feel

 

You’ll be the one that’s lied to

You'll know how much it stings

But I'll be on to other,

Bigger, better things

Reviews

[FuMiko]

I really like it, but I do have one word of advice. It's very deep, I'm a huge fan of Karma, and I think that this rather describes it quite well. The flow is very nice, which I understand is rather difficult to accomplish in rhyming poetry. Short but sweet, it's hugely heartfelt.
The one problem is that you use some form of the word 'lie' entirely too much. I understand that you did use 'deception' at one point, but perhaps for the purpose of the flow. I don't know if you did this on purpose, for I don't think it interrupts the poem entirely too much-- but it's something to keep in mind while you're writing.
Kudos!
-Izumiko

[THE LOST ROSE]

I am in love with the rythm of this piece. What goes around comes around and soon they will see. And you'll be the one who is writing the next poetry. Great piece thanks for sharing.

[Lovesleftovers]

I see what you're saying, and I appreciate the advice. Actually, I wrote this for contest entitled "Lies" :) But I can see how the use of the word might be overpowering otherwise. Thanks for your review!