First Kiss

First Kiss

A Story by Enigma
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Its a essay about my first kiss.

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     For as long as I can remember, whenever I hung out with guys, I was just of the boys. Growing up with just my dad and my older brothers made me accustomed to hanging out around guys. My Barbie Dolls were pushed away to make way for my Hot Wheels and my millions of Legos. Even though I had really girly things, I soon turned them away for my brothers’ hand-me-downs. All of this was all right with me until I wanted attention from the opposite sex. A tomboy was not what they wanted. 
     I never had good luck with the guys I liked. They wanted the type of girl I could not be and couldn’t pretend to be. Everyone was hooking up around me as early as fourth grade. People were getting their first boyfriends and first kisses at the age of 9 or 10 while my 8 year-old self could only sit and watch as love was happening around me, wondering if and when love would come to me.
     My next 8 years of school were horrible when I came to guys. I had never experienced anything my friends had experienced, the relationships and affection towards them. I was a late bloomer but how late did I have to wait for my time to come.
     On Saturday, June 7, 2008, my aunt Jasmine and I had a combined party for her 17th birthday and my graduation. We stayed up all night on June 3rd making invitations so we could pass them out to our friends. Everyone didn’t come and a few that didn’t called to say they were sorry that they didn’t come. Out of all those calls there was one unexpected one. It was one of the people me and my aunt both knew but was more her friend than mine. His name was T.J. I never found out why he chose to call me but I decided to talk to him anyways, telling him it was ok that he missed our party and that we were enjoying ourselves.
     In the days after graduation on June 12th, T.J. and I started talking a lot. We would talk about anything that came to mind, everything from past crushes/relationships to family to favorite things. We had so much chemistry that it was crazy. It was as if we had known each other for years, not for the few days we had been talking. Then on June 18th, the day I was leaving to go visit my grandma in Tennessee, he asked me out at 12:26 am. I was excited he asked me out but sad that I was leaving him for 6 weeks while I was with my Grandma. We talked every night while I was out there. About halfway through my stay in Tennessee, we mutually decided to go on a break until we could see each other when school started because we thought it would be best for the both of us. He was going to the Middle College at ACC while I was doing the University Transfer program at the college, so we would be going to the same school and get to see each other almost every day.
     On Monday, August 18, 2008, I started school and T.J. started his second week. We were so happy to see each other. The same chemistry we had on the phone was there when we were together in person. We spent that whole week just hanging out with each other and enjoying each other’s company. When I told my friends about us not doing anything but talking they asked me why we hadn’t kissed yet. It had been two months and we weren’t doing anything. When my friend Enas heard this she decided to try to take matters into her own hands. On the following Sunday she decided to get his number and text him. She told him to kiss me because I needed some action. I was so embarrassed when she told me what she said. I didn’t know what to say to T.J. after that so I decided to play it off like I didn’t know what she said. Every time he brought up kissing, I just tried to change the subject, play dumb or just get a stupid look on my face.
     On Monday, August 25, 2008, My life was changed. It started out like a normal day and everything was as it should be. I met T.J. at our usual meeting place, the sitting area by the main building classrooms. We were sitting there talking about things until it was time for him to go to class and time for me to leave. We got up so he could walk me to the main entrance and I could walk him halfway to his class. We stood there for a second or two, trying to hold on to every moment we had together until we had to part. When the time came to take our separate ways, we gave each other a goodbye hug. As we pulled away he decided, spur of the moment, to kiss me.
     It was my first kiss ever in all my 17 years on this earth. When his lips pressed against mine I experienced the greatest feeling. I can’t explain the feeling. It was like happiness, excitement, fear, joy, passion, love and relief all wrapped up in one. All my emotions became jumbled and mixed up, and my body became paralyzed in a matter of seconds. After he pulled away, I had no idea what I was going to do. All I could do was stand there, dumbfounded, like my soul left my body.
     Then he said bye and started walking away. I wanted to pull him back and return the favor. So I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me. But within the time frame of me grabbing his arm and him returning to a spot right next to me, my brain had talked my body out of it. It seemed too much like a romance movie/ chick flick sort of thing, and way too much for a first kiss. So I just pulled him back to me for another hug. Then he went to class and I walked out to my ride.
     Sitting in the car with my dad was torture. I was trying not to draw too much attention to myself by smiling too hard. So I tried thinking of random reasons to laugh. Even though I was texting T.J. and a few friends about what happened I tried to keep my calm. It seemed to work and I got home without any suspicion. Once we pulled into the driveway I went upstairs to calm myself down because it felt like I was having a heart attack. My heart was racing and I couldn’t breathe. I ate lunch and did my homework while listening to my mp3 player to calm myself down. For the rest of that day I was happy but kept all my emotions in so no one would be suspicious and ask me what happened.
     Looking back on that day I only regret one thing, not kissing him back when I pulled him towards me. Looking back on my lack of a love life I realize that I probably was not ready for a relationship. We did not stay together long after the first kiss. I don’t regret having my first kiss with him, I’m glad I did. I couldn’t wish for a better experience than the one I had when I received my first loving kiss.

© 2009 Enigma


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Added on September 24, 2008
Last Updated on July 14, 2009

Author

Enigma
Enigma

burlington, NC



About
Hey, I'm Arianna. I'm an enigma and an Aquarius (the rebellious sign).I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence about something that happened yesterday. I love looking up at the.. more..

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