Demons And Me

Demons And Me

A Poem by Zahra
"

Inspired by a prompt given by a friend

"
They come out ripping the heart of dusk;
I thought they were just shadows,
on slumberous lands that come to play,
while the darkness grows.

But demons have ways of being known,
with the lights going off, one by one.
We keep running into their lairs at nights,
till they walk by us, under the sun.

Roving through domains of dark and light,
from none with an urge to flee
amidst mirage of meadows grey and green -
together, the demons and me.

© 2015 Zahra



Author's Note

Zahra
Thanks for reading.

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Featured Review

I like the way demons are portrayed here: not just the monsters at night, but also among us by day.
The idea is excellent but the punctuation and placement of words needs a little polishing.

1. 'They come out, ripping the heart of dusk;' is a very good line with plenty of imagery but a comma is needed after the word 'out' because the demons are doing two different things in one go.
2. I think that 'When the lights go off, one by one' is better that saying 'with the lights going off, one by one'.
3. 'We keep running into their lairs at night' will still express what you want to say without adding the extra 's' to the word 'night'.

Otherwise, the poem was quite a good read. This is just my opinion and no one is obliged to change what I suggest to them. If you do not want to alter your poem, that is entirely up to you.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your feedback, means a lot. :)
Iris

1 Year Ago

You're welcome.



Reviews

I like the way demons are portrayed here: not just the monsters at night, but also among us by day.
The idea is excellent but the punctuation and placement of words needs a little polishing.

1. 'They come out, ripping the heart of dusk;' is a very good line with plenty of imagery but a comma is needed after the word 'out' because the demons are doing two different things in one go.
2. I think that 'When the lights go off, one by one' is better that saying 'with the lights going off, one by one'.
3. 'We keep running into their lairs at night' will still express what you want to say without adding the extra 's' to the word 'night'.

Otherwise, the poem was quite a good read. This is just my opinion and no one is obliged to change what I suggest to them. If you do not want to alter your poem, that is entirely up to you.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your feedback, means a lot. :)
Iris

1 Year Ago

You're welcome.
I like your choice of words and analogies ("ripping the heart of dusk" was a powerful line)..reads smooth from start to finish..melodic and articulate..fabulous!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

1 Year Ago

Thank you very much.
I love the structure and detail in it! Awesome in all. Please read my work. Thank you.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Zahra

1 Year Ago

thanks a lot.
I believe we do create our own "demons", and there are those bent against us by other foes...
We live in a temporal world to be sure. Yet we are woven within a spiritual plane as well. Guard your heart and let the "angels" provided protect you in the light and the night.

I think you may have been speaking metaphorically here and I appreciate the metaphor to be sure... I live with my own "demons". Nonetheless, I am reminded to keep the avenues of my heart shut to actual minions of ill seeking my souls demise to join theirs.

Interesting and worthy write.
Be well,
David.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

1 Year Ago

thank you very much for this wonderful review, David.
Reading your work I feel you are related. Love it all. One of my favorite themes. An old goof I wrote will show you what i mean. Not meaning to shelf promote.

Your flow and content are great along with the imagery of the dark you were in.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/wwells13/1533378/

Posted 1 Year Ago


Zahra

1 Year Ago

thank you very much, and thanks for sharing the link to your poem, will definitely read it.
i like it !!!!! thanks for sharing !!! 80 points

Posted 1 Year Ago


Zahra

1 Year Ago

thanks for reading.
zunie frost

1 Year Ago

welcome !!!!!!!
The demons, less figures more thoughts? Worst of all is highlighted by the dark; lids might shut tighty but nobody can switch off a mind fighting for sleep, for safety. You've really cast a shadow with your words, powerful words... what a good write.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

1 Year Ago

thank you very much
This is honestly very smartly done, especially the first two lines. The shadow thing was very clever; I think it's my favorite line! I had trouble understanding the last stanza so I can't comment on that, but overall it was so good!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Zahra

1 Year Ago

thank you very much.
we all have demons who like to come out when it is dark and quiet and our mind wanders to these places where they exist. This poem states that fact very well. I like the rhyming in this. Great writing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Zahra

1 Year Ago

thank you very much for reading.
"But demons have ways of being known,
with the lights going off, one by one."
Loved loved loved this! Well done great poem with a creepy vibe I find entrancing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Zahra

1 Year Ago

thank you very much Nadia :)

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Added on November 25, 2015
Last Updated on November 25, 2015
Tags: demons, darkness, night, life, mind, heart

Author

Zahra
Zahra

Pakistan



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