drugs

the bad and unhealthy habit

Irritating face searching for money ,

Nothing left and everything is broken.

Fire and eyes burning all the house sadly,

An odd insulting things are unspoken

A knife in the hand and cries in the sky.

Quietly time is running for grief and pain

Drugs are distructing moments to rise high.

Alas a mother on the floor was slain.

When he got up unbelievable stage.

He cried '' wake up speak to me touch me''

Don't try it 's over that's the world of rage.

Dirty soul inside but you never see.

Mere poor creatures we want to live in mess.

O!my God protect us we need your bless.

 

Author's Note

i need your opinion

Reviews

[David Scott]

I see the body of a very fine poem. Here I would have to say you need some editing to finish this one out a bit more. If you would like I can help as I am able if you want me to mail you any specific suggestions. I am not the most qualified to do so however. Anything to help as you might desire.
A worthy topic and you have the ingredients to present this topic well.

[Nani Mino]

certainly i need your suggestions

[David Scott]

Ok... I did an edit but could not send it to you for some reason... I sent it to Todd Underhill and asked him to forward it to you. Sorry for the confusion.

[Willard Wells]

addictions take on different forms with different people. Some drugs are done to hide, some are done to get high and yet others use it try and bring themselves and their brains to a normal functioning level.

Everyone is different.

The concept and idea were great. As for structure and flow, it did not feel right to me. Part of this I expect has to do with english if I am not wrong is a second language.

For me "Fire and eyes burning all the house sadly," , doesn't work for me. Not sure what you are expressing clearly.

"Don't try it 's over that's the world of rage. "It's over, don't try as the world is at rage"
Dirty soul inside but you never see. "You never see the dirty soul inside"
Mere poor creatures we want to live in mess." "We are poor creatures living in this mess"

I am not suggesting these changes, but providing an optional idea in how you structure the piece.

Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing.

[Nani Mino]

thank you very much .you have made a deep comments . my english is the second language .but i try to play with words to make another structure fo the poem.`` if you master the language you can break it ``

[Willard Wells]

Many of the poets I converse with on here regularly have english as a second language. A large number are from India. The level of their skills in english varies with some I am sure fare better than me.

Keep working on your pieces. English is the worst language to learn and I hope to master it some day t some degree. Peace out.

[Nani Mino]

what is your opinining for Arabic

[Willard Wells]

I don't think I have one even though I know a number of those I converse with, Arabic is their second language. I don't think the level of English matters to what the original language was. India is I expect a head of some because they were under Britain rule for so many years.

[jesserose99]

This was an interesting poem...drugs can really tear apart a soul. They can make one lose touch with reality and do something they never would normally do. So I understand what you are saying. This is a hard one, because there are good people on drugs too who just need help...but you cover that I think well too, with the last line