Autumn Irises

You say you hate your eye color

But I cannot look away

You say it's merely a simple curse

But I see it differently

For the colors cradled in your eyes

Are more than just a phase

They’re more than just a simple brown

They’re more than everyday

They are the leaves left on my doorstep

On a chilly Autumn day

My earthy growing garden

Glistening after pouring rain

Your eyes are the dreamy chocolate truffles

That give me stomach aches

And the coconut caramel coffee beans

That keep me up all day

Don’t tell me you want an ocean blue

That all the boys will chase

Your golden colored irises

Are all I see each day

Author's Note

Reviews are appreciated

Reviews

[Darian B.]

This is amazing. So many girls (and guys) are insecure about one part of their look or another but when people truly love one another, those minor insecurities just melt away. This perfectly captures how someone can love something that another dislikes about him or herself simply because the first person loves the other unconditionally. Your imagery is fantastic and the message is superb!

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you!

[Lorry]

Superbly captured my friend.We complain about what we have, but it takes someone else's perspective to truly see beauty. True beauty is never obvious, that's just painting over the real you. true beauty is the colour of their eyes, the first twitch of their smile and a million other things that can't be marketed. We can only hope for the next time we see it too. Love it.

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you!

[FIN]

Wouldn't change a thing.
Beautiful metaphors...
Soulfully written.

Much love,

LR

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you :)

[Poetic Angel]

damn... this is really, really good....

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you, and thanks for reading

[SpiceCookie]

I love this poem! I've always found it hard to describe brown eyes like this, but you captured the imagery perfectly. Keep writing! :)

[Addict With a Pen]

I'm glad you liked it, thank you

[Deandra Dawn]

You were really descriptive and it painted a very real and vivid image. Beautiful.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Beautifully written! Loved reading it. It is true indeed that though we deem ourselves imperfect but somewhere in someone's eyes we are the one who is perfect.

[Quinn W]

Lovely! This poem shows how although you may have insecurities you are perfect in others' eyes. This poem shows the truth and brings up a very important issue. The imagery was perfect and as always the actual writing is flawless. Very nice!

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you!

[barleygirl]

I really love this becuz it's so originally stated, when describing something everyday recognizable about life & love. I love that you're showing us in many different well-crafted analogies that "plain brown eyes" are not plain at all, when seen thru love especially. I love the way you use lots of sensory description to show us how a simple delightful thing about another person can remind us of other things that are good to eat or smell or drink or hold. Very visceral way of making your point. This is very good writing and also you are making an excellent point about how many people feel "plain" but this is not how they look to others, esp in loving situations.

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you!

[RayLynn]

Wow! This was amazing; I felt like I could feel exactly what you were feeling. Keep up the great work!

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you :)

[William Liston]

I love brown eyes, especially if they're wide and bright . . . they're just so beautiful.

Anyways, like Darian said, I like how this piece shows how people can love other's insecurities. There's really nothing else I can add.

- William Liston

PS: I'm curious about the structure of this piece: There are two stanzas and an envoi that each use an abcbdb... rhyme scheme with the refrain "day" in the last line. Did you design that structure yourself or did you get it from somewhere else? It resembles a ballade in a way.

[Addict With a Pen]

I wrote the second stanza first, just by listening to which words sounded best when I read aloud, and I did want every other line to rhyme much like a ballade. I love the flow from abcbdb because the rhyme scheme almost makes the rhyming sound accidental in a way. I wouldn't say I designed it myself, but I did find that it fit perfectly with the tone of the poem, in a way which made it seem like the author is in sort of a daze or 'in love'. Thanks for the review, William.