In A Dark Forest

In A Dark Forest

A Poem by _Hanabi_
"

In a dark forest,there was a dark house.In the dark house there was a dark staircase......

"
In a dark forest,there was a dark house.In the dark house there was a dark staircase.An up the dark staircase there was a dark room.An in the dark room there was a dark closet.An in the dark closet there was a dark trunk.An in the dark trunk there was a dark box.An in the dark box there was a dark bag and in the dark bag there was a dark paper.An on the dark paper there was a dark message,and that dark message read......In a dark forest,there was a dark house.In the dark house there was a dark staircase.An up the dark staircase there was a dark room.An in the dark room there was a dark closet.An in the dark closet there was a dark trunk.An in the dark trunk there was a dark box.An in the dark box there was a dark bag and in the dark bag there was a dark paper.An on the dark paper there was a dark message,and that dark message read.....In a dark forest,there was a dark house.In the dark house there was a dark staircase.An up the dark staircase there was a dark room.An in the dark room there was a dark closet.An in the dark closet there was a dark trunk.An in the dark trunk there was a dark box.An in the dark box there was a dark bag and in the dark bag there was a dark paper.An on the dark paper there was a dark message,and that dark message read..... 

                                                                    © Copyright    

© 2011 _Hanabi_


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Between your sentences and the start of a new one, there are no spaces. Makes it very difficult to read. And all through the poem you write An instead of And. Where you start your dark message, there should be a paragraph break. And, to appeal more to the eye, perhaps italicize the message so it stands out from the rest of the poem. Also, where you have commas in some spots, there are not spaces between your commas and the next word. Grammatically, this is a very disturbing piece. Otherwise, it is very interesting. The difficulty of reading, though, takes away from the creativeness of the poem.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

i don`t quite understand this one!!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Between your sentences and the start of a new one, there are no spaces. Makes it very difficult to read. And all through the poem you write An instead of And. Where you start your dark message, there should be a paragraph break. And, to appeal more to the eye, perhaps italicize the message so it stands out from the rest of the poem. Also, where you have commas in some spots, there are not spaces between your commas and the next word. Grammatically, this is a very disturbing piece. Otherwise, it is very interesting. The difficulty of reading, though, takes away from the creativeness of the poem.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow different reminds be of these skeleton books i read when i was about five


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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4 Reviews
Added on December 15, 2011
Last Updated on December 15, 2011

Author

_Hanabi_
_Hanabi_

Piarco, Not Available, Trinidad and Tobago



About
I'm a competitive swimmer and athlete. I love to read and write short stories and poems. I'm big fan of Harry Potter, Star Wars, Superman, Batman and basically all Marvel and DC comics and show.. more..

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