life

life

A Poem by nawal ibrahim

Every choice you make in life is an inspiration,

Even the smallest choices you make, can make a change,

Making choices, means having experiences,

Having those experiences, means learning from them,

Life will always feel like a roller-coaster,

You will never feel at leveled, till you have reached your distention in life,

You will go through moments where you feel to give up,

But that’s what life is, hits you at your lowest point,

Never let anything blind you from your goal,

Life will either break you or make as an individual,

Those experiences will either scare you or make you who you are today,

You will go through moments will you feel you are alone in this,

God is that one person we turn our backs on, but doesn’t on us,

 Never forget God tests those that he loves,

We learn from those experiences, each experience teaches a valid lesson,

You will learn there is more to life then we know,

Set your goal in life and accomplish it,

Never let anyone or anything stand in your way,

We are all born alone and will die alone,

Be your own warrior, guard your goal,

 

 

 

 

 


© 2017 nawal ibrahim



My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

Nawal Hi. You sent a FR so I thought I'd take a look at your writing.

When I close my eyes and 'hear' this poem aloud I like it. As you say in the opening line, it inspires. You may be interested in reading 'Desiderata' if you haven't yet come across it. Similar messages. It's easy to find on Google.

If I may, I will offer a couple of pieces of advice. The first, simply, is proof read your work, then proof read it again. Remove the mistakes. Whether it's auto-spell or a legitimate but unintended word, or a missing word or a repeating word. By correcting these things you will improve the flow and comprehension for the reader.

[Examples here: what is 'at leveled' ? what is 'distention' ? 'where you feel to give up' is poor English, 'more to life then we know' etc etc]

The second advice is about structure, line-spacing, etc. When do you want the reader to breathe? Which are the key lines or messages? Might it help to separate parts with their different themes? On WC you will see some poems that are 'stream of consciousness' writing where it makes no sense to divide the lines. All I'm suggesting is that you think about it.

[Examples here: The final 4 lines are encouraging the reader to do something - consider showing them separately, i.e. after a line break. The first 4 lines are about inspiration / experience; the next 4 about confusion / despair etc. Again, consider a line break. etc etc]

But at the end of all that, I come back to listening to your poem rather than reading it, and on that level it works very well. I think the reason is that you write in simple clear flowing sentences about 'you' i.e. the reader. The poem invites the reader to feel what you describe, or more correctly, go ah-ha yes I have, yes that's right, etc. In other words, it connects.

Hope this is helpful.

Regards
Nigel

Posted 6 Months Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

70 Views
1 Review
Added on June 12, 2017
Last Updated on June 12, 2017

Author

nawal ibrahim
nawal ibrahim

london, London, United Kingdom



About
new witter, poetry!!! more..

Writing