Untouched

My attempt at poetry...

I don’t know where I am

I cannot feel the wind

The darkness coldly mocks me

In this place untouched by man

I don’t know where to land

I cannot see the ground

The shadows cruelly haunt me

In this place untouched by man

I don’t know who I am

I cannot find my path

The walls are closed around me

In this place untouched by man

Reviews

[Kieran Shuttleworth]

Good stuff. I love the pattern you follow here, makes me feel disorientated and lost in the repetition of something strange and unfamiliar.

As for advice, I'm kind of stuck. Perhaps you could experiment with the placement of certain lines for the desired effect. But I think it's good enough to hold off editing for now and returning to it later with a different headspace. Solid thumbs up.

[Hogwarts]

Thanks so much! Yeah, I wasn't too sure about this one.

[Jen]

Brilliantly done! I enjoyed this, and as writers we understand that each reader will have their own interpretation, yes? Mine for this little gem, is the Universe, the void that will remain untouched by man. Thank you for sharing your art.

[alifeacoustic]

Great feel to this piece, that rings a familiar sounding bell in us all. Has a feel of a journey with numerous directions to take and no instruction booklet included as to how, where or why you complete it blind.
not so much advice, as I think it stands well as it is, but in the first two verses you mention wind and ground, which got me thinking of the elements. You already have air and earth, maybe an idea to expand and include fire and water too. But as I said, it is absolutely fine as is.
Thank you for sharing.

[Hogwarts]

Awesome, thank you!