Hells Song

lol is all i can say

the demons lay down in hell
they are here to wish you well
for your eternal punishememt
oh think, how fun is that

you were a gambling rat
and how about that?
its the fortunes wheel to tell us all
how your gonna finally fall
into the fires you go
as i sat back and watch the show

AH HA HA HA!!!

as the fires burn away
you will surely say
forgive me
now you see
why your here in the fire
you were cast down as a liar

how ironic could this be
as you look down to me
ill pull out my fiddle
and ask you this one riddle

how do you think you can survive
after you have arrived
in hells fiery depths
have you learned your lesson yet?

Author's Note

i kno it suxx lol

Reviews

[Searching 4 Serenity]

No, I have not learned my lesson. I doubt I ever will
}8D

[Aka_Kitsune]

i like it actually :D

[Leslie Philibert]

The Ah Ha Ha Ha is great,reminds me of the bad guy in a horror film,maybe Vincent Price.I would check the spelling, punishment and I´ll need to be changed but all in all I liked it,the first two lines in the second verse are a real hammer.Good work.

[Bare trees]

It wasn't all that bad, the effect of a life lived in curruption is set to a poem and the consequences are now apparant to the bad guy. NOW WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN YOU END UP IN HEEEEEELLLL! ah Ha ha ha ha. LOL Good one Mica.

[Allen Smuckler]

I think this is terrific...not suxxy...
I liked your rhyme scheme and your use of the various types (the near rhyme or slant rhyme (close but not exact), as well as the perfect rhyme.
There was a bit of a flow disruption which may only be an eye or visual thing..perhaps simply combining "forgive me" with "now you see" into one line.
The AH HA HA HA!!! really added a diabolical (aka fun) feel and it made me wonder who IS I...
One typo you may want to fix...you're for your
great job, Mika