A new Friend

A boy that meets a girl and then ignores his other friend. For some reason writing a love poem is easy for me. ti may not be good though.

we want to hear,

But do we listen?

We want to see,

But do we look?

We see a slight shadow

And jump at the sight

But only to find

our own little shadow

jumping in fright.

 

We want to hear,

But do we listen?

We want to see,

But do we look?

A shadow moves on

As we pass by.

Remember our shadow

That most surely has died.

There is a new replacement

For our fried

Her name is Gabriela

And she is our new friend.

 

I think that that needs an explanation.

The above poem is about a man that is alone and wants a friend. He sees his shadow and thinks that it is someone but then sees that it is only hish own shadow. Then it moves on and at the end it says that that shadow has been replaced with a new friend. This can be taken two ways one is that someone found a friend and the other is that you can take that shadow and it becomes a metaphorical friend and has been replaced by a new friend, or in this case a girlfriend, and that is the end. Not a really happy ending.

The beginning part where it talks about listening and hearing and seeing and looking is about ignoring a friend and saying that we still want to be friends but the someone isn’t really trying.

 

Author's Note

tell me the truth, didn't know what genre to put.

Reviews

[Mason Watts]

again your reviews are very helpful Mr. Scaggs

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Mason Watts,

Hello friend, good job in writing your two poems and they are both excellent. You use metaphors and philosophies that need to be talked about: a good central theme. As you grow, you will learn a wider vocabulary and grammatical things like semi-colons and colons.

To the poem: Put the "I think that needs an explanation" into the Author's Note. It almost makes it look like you're placing it into the actual writing itself. Thank you for clarifying and be sympathetic in your writing. Some writers think their readers can just pick up on their central theme just because they write it down. Place this into smaller stanzas too. You don't have to have four lines for each stanza, stanzas separate topics in general. Good theme message. This flows well. It doesn't need rhymes to make it good, like in most cases. Rhythm is good. Depth is good. Perception is good. You will grow as you continue to write; there isn't any other thing besides the more you write and the more you practice at your trade, the more you become better at that trade through experience. Good job again. 8.7/10.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs