Otion Pocean

On this one I wanted to try to simplify a little bit, I think the story is pretty clever and using the same basic rhyming words throughout was a technique I was trying and I kind of like it.

I walked through the ocean

I swam in the sand

I thought up a potion

I drew woman to man

I drew man to sea

I fed it to all

All except me

And through all the chaos

The girls came to see

The man that was left

I was he

 

They walked from the ocean

They ran through the sand

They were coming for me

They had uncovered my plan

To draw woman to man

And man to sea

A terrible uprising

Which forced me to flee

From corners of beaches

To edges of land

And into the ocean

Past depths I could stand

 

Now the waves of the ocean

Wash away all the sand

From the toes that are treading

To a new piece of land

Far from men with a vengeance

And women to please

An embarrassment of riches

Twisted by irony

But when I find a new island

When I can finally stand

The first thing ill do

Is do it again

Author's Note

any opinion is a helpful opinion.

Reviews

[M.A. Van Dyke]

That's awesome! I laughed at the last line! Great job! Wouldn't change a thing!

[Robyn]

this is a very well thought out poem. flows beautifully and touches the soul

thanks for sharing this excellent piece

[x]

Ha, do we ever learn..no.
I loved it. Just another arrow in the bow of this amazingly talented writer.
Don't thing there is anything he can't do and I am forever humbled by the talent expressed here.

[HermitsUnited]

Wow! This is really good! I read it aloud to my friend just now and she really liked it too. Good job! Keep it up!

[snapstache]

WOAH! I cnt rhyme worth a cracker (inside joke). that was awesome! like it seemed so effortless :) great job looking forward to more.
*.*

[Lu]

This would make a great song! I love it

[Poeticpiers]

I enjoyed the read. But I am not a fan of free form poetic prose