The cold side of the pillow

The cold side of the pillow 
Yaz Siyam

I flip and toss all night long
Looking for the cold side of the pillow 
In a bed for one with a cold blanket 
To flame it up 
And I can't afford not to find it now
For every night my thoughts rape my mind

And there I find you 
Standing in the corner 
In a paranormal disguise
Inviting your friends over to extinguish my existence 
As if I can't do it on my own
Faster than the blink of the eye 
You electrify that stupid pump of mine
To drawn me in memories, I should've forgot
But never really had the chance to 
Since time flew by so fast 
washed away with insomnia

Only me and my naïve heart remember 
For all have moved on
A strike you blow within few seconds 
The agony raises like the sun on rainy days
Hidden with shyness behind them shabby clouds

And You look me in the eye with joy
Your party just started 
Insomnia again and again
Simple like the end of a classic song
Blood and leftovers cover up my body now
Without rhythm or talent 
In this perfect image nothing is original 
But them raging feelings of mine
Never fading away

I know that you are standing here 
Even if you don't reveal yourself 
I can still see you 
despite the war that attempts to blind me
Still you smile and laugh 
And still you contaminate me 
With toxic nostalgia and hope 
For a day that never will come
When we are gathered again

Yet your joy silences me
Not much of silence more like a song of rum
Sweet paralytic noise
And with the last breath of strength
I stand to fight you
Never will I surrender never will I win
For this annual night is all I have left 
And the pain of losing you awakens me back to reality 
It's not loyalty anymore it's more of pity

Yet I toss and turn
looking for that cold side of the pillow
You , your friends, my soul and what's left of my brain 
We will meet here once again
And till then I wait and wait
Searching for that cold side of the pillow to flame.