Chasing Daylight

Chasing Daylight

A Story by Nathan Noble

 

Phillip ran, net above head, he ran. Swatting at the bright ball above his head, the pollen filled, Arkansas air violently inflated his lungs and he stopped to rest. He could faintly hear the distinct voice of his mother calling from beyond the green fields. He ignored the mother. Today would be the day, his day. He would finally catch it. Armed with his father’s fishing net he inhaled one last deep breath and took flight once more after the ball of light. Darting across the fields leaping over ant hills and kicking up daffodils he swatted furiously at gods great ball of yellow. It was slow but sly, always one step ahead. It continually turned and began to duck behind Phillips home. He could see it peeking from behind, the great beams warming his face. He didn’t have much time, he had to act swiftly.
He needed a better view, he thought as he eyed an oil derrick that sat in the center of the field, a modern mountain placed amongst the ancient land. He searched the great plains with squinted eyes and plotted the perfect path as he scaled the great tower. Diving from the derrick he plowed face first into the soft grassy soil. He stood quickly to attention, wiped the dirt from his knees and elbows and began blazing the trail he had recently plotted from the peak of the mountain. He ran. This was the day. Net raised to the sky he ran across the field towards home, beneath the barb wire fence and past his father’s 86’ Chevy. He leapt into the bed of the truck to eye his target when he suddenly felt his legs jerk quickly from beneath him before he was tossed forward onto his stomach, head smashing against the warm metal. It hurt. He no longer wanted the ball of light he had been tracking all evening, he wanted the mother. He wanted the mother now.
“Damn retard”, he heard over the clang of the closing tailgate.
“Lord help the crippled Jim! What did you do to him this time?” a voice Phillip recognized filled his sun burnt ears. He smiled, it was the mother.
He awoke inside, the mother hovering above him and something cool pressed against his forehead. The mother always made him feel better. The kitchen door slammed and the thud of mud covered boots on linoleum shook the dust from the picture frames surrounding Phillip.
“Is he awake yet?” The rough dirt, grease covered voice asked from the kitchen, Phillip hated the father.
His eyes slanted and followed him as he entered the dim lit room. “You need to tell that retard to stay off Mr. Peatree’s land before he gets shot.”
Phillip liked Mr. Peatree. He was very plump with a large pudgy face and silver mustache. He wore cheap Hawaiian flower pattern shirts and resembled a young Santa Clause if he was vacationing in Gulf Shores and misplaced his camera.
“Don’t listen to him son, he doesn’t know what a long day you’ve had.” The mother stroked Phillips gritty hair. “He’s just jealous; because he could never catch it, now look at him. Don’t give up. One day you’ll catch that fading sun and we will put it in one of mama’s mason jars.” The mother knew how close he was. “You’ll get it someday baby and people will come from miles around just to see it. They’ll say my, owe my, what a great big jar of sunshine he has there!” Phillip smiled and closed his eyes. Tomorrow, he thought. That’ll be the day.

© 2009 Nathan Noble


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Featured Review

Hi Nathan.
Nice read. Phillip is on a mission, a mission to capture the elusive ball of light, that sly and elusive gem that has gotten away from everyone so far. The miniature orb of sunlight captures Phillip's whole being as it floats away, just beyond the grasp of his father's net, taunting and teasing Phillip to run and jump and to keep trying, even if it means tomorrow and the next day. The fact that Phillip is mentally challenged only comes to light after he's captured by his mother in the back of the pickup and receives another tongue lashing from 'the' dad. Still tomorrow is another day and the little ball of sunshine will return so that Phillip can resume the chase.

A good write, sir. However I suggest that you structure your dialogue using paragraphs between individuals who are speaking. Now if you set the speaking parts up the way you have for a reason, maybe because of the princepal's state of mind, well it's your war-pony, Cochese. Other than that, great job dude. Keep it up! BZ

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

you have a keen eye for tiny details that draws one to your story.but i agree with Urie about structuring your dialogue.and keep writing.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh this was so wonderful. Innocent and sweet, I think this piece couldnt have been more better. Thank you for entering my contest =]

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

exelent write I usaly read poemes on writercafe so i don't have lot to compare too but this was one of the best I had ever read as stated before exelent write

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like how you refer to the mother as the mother. But is it Phillip's father who calls him a retard? Have you ever read The Painted House by John Grisham? This story reminds me of that book (which is my all time favorite by the way!) Good read, I cant even find SPAG errors! WOW...lol for real, good job.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow... your imagery is phenomenal! The feelings invoked are yours -- your own. That's a good thing. Keep up the great work! :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow...that was an amazing story...it sounds like something a little kid would do too.
Great Job :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Pure innocents, and a hopeless child dream to one day capture the sun. I hope he catches his yellow ball of light.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this, I feel like your use or imagery and characterization definitely adds to what's going on. I can picture the scene in detail and I really get a feel for the characters. The plot, his adventure symbolizes a lot about life, with simplicity. Amazing title, it really intrigued me.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow, this was really great.
The charcters seemed so real,
and the plot was flawless.
Amazing job.
Keep it up.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the plot and the ending good job... keep it up i would love to read more

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 10, 2009
Last Updated on May 25, 2009


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