A moment of Truth

My response to MK's 'Walk in Piano'

Sleep-drugged and dull, I watched the distance branch,
The slow propelling of a nowhere bug.
Forever grinding as I take a chance,
on seeing one more woolly take a slug.

I rise, accustomed to my daily ache,
(but knowing mine is nothing to his strife).
The robin hops up close prepared to take
the caterpillar’s short and hapless life.

One moment and that nature’s scene is gone,
Its light a harsh reality of truth.
I know I’m not the course and jagged one.
I pick the pigs remains out of my tooth.

Just then, the smell of flowers from the plain,
drifts in and grab my thoughts fully away.
No further minding of that larva’s pain,
just tracing trophies of my day at play. 

Some sadness for the butterfly I lost
but not a moment more on nature’s cost

Reviews

[emipoemi]

You truly have a masterful knack of iambs and pentametre. This is fantastic!! I would switch that "ready to take" to "prepared to take" so the metre is salvaged, but other than that, simply brilliant! Well done!

[Norbanus]

Thanks for taking the time to dig through this for me, emi. I appreciate your suggestion, and I'll read that line again to see if I agree.

[Norbanus]

Ah! I finally figured it out. The thing I missed was the natural stress on the word 'ready' as opposed to the natural stress in the syllables of 'Prepared'. This is one of those really important catches. Thank you very much.

[emipoemi]

That's what I'm here for.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

This makes me think of cowboy poetry, the toughened mind of one who has faced the grit of life, with sweat upon his brow, and the sun beating on his back. Observant, yes. Weak, never.

[Norbanus]

This poet from the stars lays down a theme,
and I know that I’ve hit on something grand.)
The fire it sets in this old cowboys dream,
says one more sonnet’s met its least demand.

We see the cow dung, kindling and the like
all heaped into a pile by the fire.
The Coyotes mill around ready to strike,
if any calf should risk its mother’s ire

By wandering outside her safety zone.
his self-destructive action might instead,
send all the herd stampeding by the tone,
she uses to express her fear and dread.

There's not much chance of panic run amok.
I've not attended just one rodeo.
A few soft tunes while sitting on a rock,
can give cow’s thought another place to go.

Yes, this old cowboy’s done that scene before,
I thank you for your insight and much more.

[Pete]

lot going on in this - playful and sad with truth. strong imagery and symbolism. such a philosophical deepness. every line a gem. love the references to nature and that hard-hitting ending ...

[An owl on the moon]

It amazes me what a soul can see in a moment. So often we flow through life as if caught in a current, and our eyes our numb to the world around us. Here in this vivid moment nature spoke through your inspiration, through beauty and pain, and now the scene forever lives in all of us.

[Great Aunt Astri]

I haven't read MK's poem, but I imagine your poem is a 'reality check' on nature. We all tend to sing lyrical about the wonders and beauty of nature, and you point out a bit of 'harsh reality', which is very sobering. Your poem itself is well structured, 10 syllables per line and natural-sounding rhymes. The ending couplet has a 'universal' adage. I was pleased that 'the smell of the flowers' drifted in. A poem very well done, and I enjoyed reading it.

[Norbanus]

Thank you for your delightfully generous review, Auntie. I appreciate it very much.