Time To Let Go

A Story by Roxx

I finally realize I can't keep it in here forever. With my bare hands, I drag out the pile I've accumulated over the years. I examine everything you've ever made me feel. It's about time to rid myself of what I don't need, and you've become an unnecessary item in the closet of my life. I'd go through periods of trying to talk myself into at least liking you, which is why I'd keep you around. Trying to coax myself into feeling something, anything, for you. I wanted to so much but you made it impossible.

I stare at an image you attempted to paint, and it's amazing how indifferent I've become to it all. On the surface you tried to make it about me; how much you respected me, how much you loved me. But they were just words. Nothing solid or real seemed to find its way into this painting. All it included was everything you wanted. The ocean of your dreams, your obsession. Unsteady waves of what will never be.

I hold it all in my hands, accepting that my effort to dust it off is not enough to hide the fact it's becoming old. You're getting old. The same old story, the same old words, the same old feelings. I have no use for something so broken, something I've tried so hard to fix. But I never did give you everything. It was never something I put my entire heart into because I knew how unstable the pieces of you already were. I knew it was only a matter of time before you fell apart.

I was terrified to be alone with you, terrified to feel anything when it came to you. You tried to pry open a shell that you were convinced existed, but it was only a shield to protect myself from you. I realize that now. It wasn't my fault that I stayed in the dark. I didn't want the light turned on because I didn't want to deal with you. I kept you around because I was afraid to get rid of you. I was afraid I'd be haunted by the guilt.

I close my eyes and get lost in the gentle voices of people close to me reaffirming what I already know to be true. Waiting until my instincts are sharp enough to hurt, screaming. It's time to let go.

© 2009 Roxx

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Featured Review

Marquise

I stare at an image you attempted to paint, and it's amazing how indifferent I've become to it all. On the surface you tried to make it about me; how much you respected me, how much you loved me. But they're just words. Nothing solid or real seemed to find its way into this painting. All that picture included was everything you wanted. OMG this piece of the story alone deserves it own page.. what a wonderfully written work of art you've created...

Posted 2 Years Ago

2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Reviews

Life is A"Musing"

I agree. Its seems that the lies or lack of omission, has caused great pain in your life to long. Life is to short to continue to try to “fix” someone. I believe concentrating on loving your spirit within will help guide you to real love all deserve…and everything that is included in that love.
Blessing to You :-)

Posted 1 Month Ago

THERISA

This is one of the hardest posting that i have choosen to review. It strikes deep within my emotional centre with my relationship to my mom. Your second paragraph paints my feelings with crystal clarity, which scares me. Almost wonder if you were reading my mind. Know that this isn't possible. Hoping that writing this short story was a form of therapy for you. Thank you for sharing this short story with us.

Therisa

Posted 1 Year Ago

A.J. Smith

Wow, this is beautiful, powerful, painful. I'm at a point in my life right now that gives this piece special meaning, special impact on a personal level...perhaps I am on both sides of this story. Your writing style is wonderful...I look forward to reading more.

Posted 1 Year Ago

An excellent portrayal of what becomes of a love gone sour and what comes thereafter. You should make a story around this, I think you'll get ppl addicted.

x,
O!

Posted 1 Year Ago

Unspoken Wordz

Like always I enjoy reading your work.

Posted 2 Years Ago

James K. Blaylock

Wow, this is really powerful indeed. To me it spoke of a love gone ugly; but the speaker would rather be with anyone... than alone. Even if that anyone is in fact hurting them ever so deeply. Great write!

Posted 2 Years Ago

Gandré

it is a freeing moment when we get the strenght and leave what was perhaps poissoning us. You brought this point perfectly. Such a letting go is positive perhaps it helps us to set our new personal values. I liked it!

Posted 2 Years Ago

Anthony Ackerley

This is the first serious review I've written in I don't know how long, so I warn you now, I may ramble and bounce around a lot. But, as that's no different from any other time, there should be no problems lol

To start, the nitpicks, and I have to say, I had to struggle to find even these few issues.

"It's about time to rid myself of what I don't need, and you've become an unnecessary item in that closet of my life." - I think this line would sound better if you change "that closet of my life" to "the closet of..." It feels like that was your original intent, but just got going with an idea that your brain skipped over the word choice and didn't pick up on it later. I don't know if that's actually what happened or not, just how it feels to me. I should know, happens to me all the time lol

"I'd go through periods of trying to talk myself into at least liking you, which is why I'd keep you around. Trying to coax myself into feeling at least something." - Used the phrase "at least" in back to back lines, and the repetition caused a minor bump in the road for me. Nothing major, just noticeable. I'd recommend taking one of them out, and to take that suggestion a bit further, I'd say make it the second one. I like how the first usage really shows the depth of emotion with the feelings of dislike. I think the second one would stand just as well if you left it "coax myself into feeling something". Or, if you wanted to stress that part as well (which wouldn't be a bad thing) you could finish it "into feeling something, anything, for you." Or something similar.

In the second paragraph, about the painting, your tense seems off to me. And I know I have a tendency to put disclaimers on pretty much all of my feedback, but I'm going to have to REALLY stress it on this one, because I can't pinpoint exactly what sounds off to me about it. It could be that you just go from present (staring at the image) to past (telling how it was painted) and back that threw me off a little, but it's one of those situations where nothing is technically wrong with it. Reading it back to myself, two slight edits would make it sound better to me,

Take "But they're just words." and change to "But they were just words" because in the passage before, you were talking in past tense, about the process of making the painting, and I think it transitions back into the present thought of things better that way.

Then, "all that picture included..." I think can be changed to read simply "All it included" because in the line before you already mentioned "this painting". I think that may be the source of my hang-up on this paragraph actually. Saying this painting and that picture makes it sounds like there's two paintings being talked about, instead of just the one. Of course, this could have been your intent and I missed it completely, in which case, I apologize.

And one last minor tense issue: last passage "Waiting until my instincts were sharp enough..." I think it should be "are sharp enough..." at least to match the rest of the line.

Ok, done picking nits. With that out of the way, I've just got to tell you that this piece was fantastic. I can't stress enough about how minor the stuff above was because I had to really go searching for things to pick at. First couple times reading, it was smooth, flowed perfectly, and packed a definite emotional punch.

I think a lot of people can relate to the feelings here, and one of the things I enjoyed most was the genderlessness (that so cannot be a real word) of the speaker. Though it did have a female kind of vibe to it, there's actually nothing in there that indicates the speaker couldn't be a male, which I think gives it a broader appeal.

Without question for me, the best line in the piece was "You're getting old." With three words, you say so much, and so many images went through my head. Because you can take this literally, as in they grew older, grew apart, and that kind of thing, or take it in the direction of old meaning 'tired', which you do with the following lines. That whole passage I think really captures the essence of the speaker. The whole "I have to draw a line somewhere, and it's being drawn now" mentality. You feel sympathy that it got to this point, but at the same time are uplifted that they're doing something about it, and realizing all these things.

All in all, incredible work. I'm amazed at the amount of emotion you managed to get across in such a short piece. This is a fine showcase of your talents.

Posted 2 Years Ago

To start, the nitpicks, and I have to say, I had to struggle to find even these few issues.

"It's about time to rid myself of what I don't need, and you've become an unnecessary item in that closet of my life." - I think this line would sound better if you change "that closet of my life" to "the closet of..." It feels like that was your original intent, but just got going with an idea that your brain skipped over the word choice and didn't pick up on it later. I don't know if that's actually what happened or not, just how it feels to me. I should know, happens to me all the time lol

"I'd go through periods of trying to talk myself into at least liking you, which is why I'd keep you around. Trying to coax myself into feeling at least something." - Used the phrase "at least" in back to back lines, and the repetition caused a minor bump in the road for me. Nothing major, just noticeable. I'd recommend taking one of them out, and to take that suggestion a bit further, I'd say make it the second one. I like how the first usage really shows the depth of emotion with the feelings of dislike. I think the second one would stand just as well if you left it "coax myself into feeling something". Or, if you wanted to stress that part as well (which wouldn't be a bad thing) you could finish it "into feeling something, anything, for you." Or something similar.

In the second paragraph, about the painting, your tense seems off to me. And I know I have a tendency to put disclaimers on pretty much all of my feedback, but I'm going to have to REALLY stress it on this one, because I can't pinpoint exactly what sounds off to me about it. It could be that you just go from present (staring at the image) to past (telling how it was painted) and back that threw me off a little, but it's one of those situations where nothing is technically wrong with it. Reading it back to myself, two slight edits would make it sound better to me,

Take "But they're just words." and change to "But they were just words" because in the passage before, you were talking in past tense, about the process of making the painting, and I think it transitions back into the present thought of things better that way.

Then, "all that picture included..." I think can be changed to read simply "All it included" because in the line before you already mentioned "this painting". I think that may be the source of my hang-up on this paragraph actually. Saying this painting and that picture makes it sounds like there's two paintings being talked about, instead of just the one. Of course, this could have been your intent and I missed it completely, in which case, I apologize.

And one last minor tense issue: last passage "Waiting until my instincts were sharp enough..." I think it should be "are sharp enough..." at least to match the rest of the line.

Ok, done picking nits. With that out of the way, I've just got to tell you that this piece was fantastic. I can't stress enough about how minor the stuff above was because I had to really go searching for things to pick at. First couple times reading, it was smooth, flowed perfectly, and packed a definite emotional punch.

I think a lot of people can relate to the feelings here, and one of the things I enjoyed most was the genderlessness (that so cannot be a real word) of the speaker. Though it did have a female kind of vibe to it, there's actually nothing in there that indicates the speaker couldn't be a male, which I think gives it a broader appeal.

Without question for me, the best line in the piece was "You're getting old." With three words, you say so much, and so many images went through my head. Because you can take this literally, as in they grew older, grew apart, and that kind of thing, or take it in the direction of old meaning 'tired', which you do with the following lines. That whole passage I think really captures the essence of the speaker. The whole "I have to draw a line somewhere, and it's being drawn now" mentality. You feel sympathy that it got to this point, but at the same time are uplifted that they're doing something about it, and realizing all these things.

All in all, incredible work. I'm amazed at the amount of emotion you managed to get across in such a short piece. This is a fine showcase of your talents.

Rating /100

Gary H

This piece obviously belongs to a novel and is maybe a centrepiece or end? The despair in the words came across really forcefully. I got the impression they were actually being said to someone with the last line opening into the next part of the story. Everything was really well balanced which is what led me into thinking something else is coming.
Very good write.

Posted 2 Years Ago

Richard McLin

It's pieces like this which are a big part of why I have returned to Writers Cafe. This is some great work, some that you should be extremely proud of. I had a great time reading it, and engulfing myself in this masterpiece. Great job.

Richard.

Posted 2 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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11 Reviews

Added on February 28, 2008
Last Updated on July 8, 2009

Author

Roxx

MA

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LIBRA SUN * It has been ages since I've been on this site, and even longer since I've done any actual writing. My life has been a roller-coaster of emotions, but I seem to have lost pieces of.. [more]