Proof

An poem i made in a hard time. Poems arent my best thing, but everyone said this one wasnt bad so I posted it

Devil's lied to me

Still feel like the man i used to be

cant seem to get past my history, 

the mystery, the misery of not havin' what I need,

I gotta soul to feed,

Don't know where I'm supposed to be;

All i know is this ain't me, it cant be me,

or is it me? I don't know. I don't know.

I know I ain't goin back without a fight. 

And I can't fight without your Light, 

and I can't see his lies without your truth.

So where's the truth,

and not the lies,

I need some proof I can't deny

Proof that you provide and the devil, he can't hide.

I need proof of Your love,

Proof of Your light, proof that You walk with me, 

even in blackest night;

and that You give every blind man sight.

And You can make my wrong self right. 

Please Lord, prove me right.

Why are these things happening to me? 

Did I do something wrong for this to go so badly?

Why does it seem as if my struggle goes on silently?

Aren't you beside of me?

I know that You don't turn a deaf ear, 

So why does it seem that all I hear from you when I pray....

Is my crying echoes, bouncing off the wall?

 Lord, I'm... I'm not mad at you. 

I don't think... badly of you

But why do you just let them do the things they do?

I'm so confused

As I wonder if I'm with or without you;

And I wonder, not how, but IF i mean something to you,

And I'm waiting on you for some proof.

I need proof of Your love,

Proof of Your Light,

Proof I'm not completely alone,

even in blackest night;

Show me that every blind man receives sight,

And please prove me wrong,

And make my wrong self right.

I have proof of Your love,

Proof of Your Light,

Proof that You see far beyond this land of blackest night.

And in you, every blind man does receive his sight, 

and I was wrong to doubt you, 

But You made my wrong self right.

Reviews

[Untalented Creation]

First of all, great work.
"Cant seem to get past my history, the mystery, the misery of not havin' what I need." - I really like that!
I really like when you suddenly stop rhyming - It made everything seem so much more intense
("So why does it seem that all I hear from you when I pray.... Is my crying echoes, bouncing off the wall?")
But I'm a critical person, so here's what I didn't like that much:
"Don't know what to do" in verse 6. Somehow it seemed as if you were just trying to keep on rhyming. I missed the intensity. Maybe we have just very different styles but I would really like it with more ... idk ... passion? Sth. like this:
"You know, Lord, I'm not mad at you
I'm not even thinking anything bad of you
I'm just confused and scared and don't know what to do
Why won't you proof that you and your love is true?"

[nrshrews]

thanks. I'll think about what you said. I'm not really a poetry person and this was the first thing i've done in YEARS. so im a little rusty.

[Untalented Creation]

It's still good work though (:

[nrshrews]

Does it sound better now?

[nrshrews]

With the "I'm not mad at you" I was originally thinking about me trying to hold back my angry feelings toward God, because I know they are wrong to have, but I don't really know how to write that.

[nrshrews]

btw, thanks for helpin me with these stories

[Untalented Creation]

I like it more this way though it's really not my topic^^

[ranscan]

This work takes off running, it sets a fast tumbling pace, and yet remains on the path first plotted. There is some lovely word play, some interesting turns of phrase.
I know you state you do not have a taste for poetry, but perhaps that has more to do with your own choice to write in other forms.
This is still a work you can be proud of.

[nrshrews]

thanks! I usually write a review back out of courtesy, but your profile is shown as "mature audiences" so idk whats on there