Delightful Drowning

Don't write many sappy love poems....but I am a girl so I had to write one!

Bathed in the light of the morning,
your porcelain skin beckons for me,
your eyes hold the oceans;

It is not even enough
to be as close
as two humans can
possibly be.

I swim in your essence,
bathe in your beauty,
Sink into your embrace,
I want nothing more than
to drown in everything that is you.

Reviews

[R. E. Knowlton I I I]

"I swim in your essence" is a great line; it offers many images, smells, auras, and feelings. That is the magic line of this piece.

Your final line of "I want nothing more than/to drown in everything that is you" is a meaty conclusion. It conjours the images of self sacrifice to be one with another. It is this emotional and metaphorically physical meld/melt that really shows the intensity of the poem.

One thing that stuck with me that I would maybe change would be the double usage of the word 'close' in the second stanza. something about it seemed to redundant with all of the other emotion swirls layed out and before us, the readers. It could just be me and maybe that was your intent, but I figured it might be worth pointing out.

All in all, excellent.

Be well.

Godspeed.

R.E. Knowlton III

[E. M. Murren]

Beautiful. The imagery and metaphor of water mirrors the merging of souls. Stunning.

[O!]

This is the GOOD SAP!!! :-)

I love how u keep the first two stanza's short and simple to hit hard with ur last stanza.....it somehow had a count to it :-).....or should i say, romantic beat?! ;-)

Thank you for saying EXACTLY what it feels like "to drown in everything that is you"

ohhhhhhhh...yes yes yes!!!

aaah...love at last!

x
O!

[Aka; Donnie (ramone) Ka..]

Damn girl! total diabetic reaction. I can feel cell tissue dying off from such sweetness.

truly beautiful sentiments here. and sexy as hell in an intellectual way.

Can I borrow those words to use on my wife? jk :-}

[Nathan Strange]

your eyes hold the oceans;

I swim in your essence,
bathe in your beauty,
Sink into your embrace,
I want nothing more than
to drown in everything that is you.

Sweet, now i know what to say to the women!

haha delightful drowning, noly a good poem but a very witty title!!

[Celtic Cat]

Tonya + sappy = excellent piece!!! Love it!

[Rie Sheridan Rose]

Beautiful poem. While I can see the point of those who think the last stanza can stand alone, I like it all. :) You have a wonderful turn of phrase throughout. And that last line rocks.

[Silvia - Scribo, Ergo S..]

".... I want nothing more than to drown in everything that is you" .... that is just how desire feels, this drowning, gupling, nauseous, trying to catch your breath and then allowing yourself to drown ... wonderfully captured!

[Jack Frost]

loved it, and dont over analyze ^.^ fantastic just the way it is ;P

[Anthony Ackerley]

Loved the S sound in this one and how it was prevalent throughout. Gave off kind of a breathy whisper kind of feeling that was quite appropriate for the subject matter.

Along those lines, I would suggest editing the first line of the 2nd verse slightly to read "It's not enough"... the S sound fits in with the rest of the piece, and it takes out the word 'even', which in this instance I think is a bit unnecessary. It feels like you're really trying to emphasize that feeling when I think it's strong enough that it doesn't really need emphasis (whether that's what you're trying to do or not I have no idea, is just how it seems to me at this moment). 'It's not enough' would be direct and powerful, and fit without changing the intent of the line.

I'm going to go ahead and give my thumbs up to the last part as my favorite as well. It's incredibly beautiful and moving and really is the perfect way to end it. It probably could stand alone as an individual piece as someone suggested, but I think it's better served by what comes before it.

Oh, and I think I mentioned this in conversation, but I would drop the 'for' in 'beckons for me'... seems like another unncessary word and is a bit of an awkward phrasing.

But all in all, yet another wonderful job

[Swooping Eagle]

Lovely words creating a wonderful image. An Image that my heart currently pains and pangs for myself with create desire. So, I relate, greatly. Thank you for this openess.