You are your own Ruler.. Not Cancer or a Feeding Tubes..

You are your own Ruler.. Not Cancer or a Feeding Tubes..

A Poem by Dawn

Have you ever been that scared about someone
you love.

To the point, you are so worried that they would
do something stupid and risk their own life.
For the sake of something in their own mind and
the heart they believe in.

I can honestly say. I do.

I lived that fear today.

My hubby has cancer stage 2 in the throat and was losing
weight and was told to put weight on or else.

Feeding tube inserts in the nose and into the stomach.
His greatest fear is anything to do with his mouth and throat
in general.

So as you can guess. Throat cancer. Really kicked him in
the teeth with that one.

So the last few days. He has been trying so hard to put weight
on with protein drinks and soft food. To which for someone with
throat cancer is far from easy. I can tell.

So today was the big day to find out if he had put weight on. Or
else feeding tube was getting done for him.

And he was actually going to refuse treatment. Due to his major fear
and anxiety of all.

Thankfully he put weight on.

But that fear and anxiety.  We both felt was hellish, beyond words.
To say the least.

As I would not go against his wishes. Of no feeding-tube. As I am
not his keeper or ruler. He is his own boss. And he is entitled to his
own feelings. Even with this cursed disease called Cancer.

He is living this nightmare.

I am alone for the wicked ride.





© 2018 Dawn



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Featured Review

It is hard to be stuck in the middle like that, knowing that we cannot force someone to do something that they don't want to, especially when it is a life or death situation. Fear is what consumes us, on both sides of that spectrum, once we realize that control is an illusion, it doesn't make it easier, but it helps make sense of it. We just can't control s**t. So sorry you are going through all of this. Lots of love and kkep writing, I think it really does help!

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dawn

2 Weeks Ago

Exactly Crowley. Who am I to say. He must have this and that done. I am just so glad the Doctor was .. read more
Crowley

2 Weeks Ago

I believe you have the right train of thought. We always say we want things on our terms when it com.. read more
Dawn

2 Weeks Ago

exactly Crowley



Reviews

this is a sad reality. this is a personal poem and touched my heart dearly. i have watched my loved ones struggle with stage four cancer- my grandma with breast. this brought some painful memories but made me grateful for each breath we take

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dawn

2 Weeks Ago

Thanks for being undestanding.
Patrick John

2 Weeks Ago

of course :)
Dawn

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you Patrick.
I really like the message and the story of these words. It is clear that you only want to help him get better, but you only support him instead of forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. Both of you are struggling with this, but the way you are taking it in, through your own form of coping, is really amazing. What you are doing is really brave, and I hope things get better for you both. Stay strong, we're here for you.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Eve

2 Weeks Ago

That is really amazing, and I completely agree with you. More often than not people who are hurting .. read more
Dawn

2 Weeks Ago

Exactly Eve. thanks for understand me.
Eve

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for sharing.
It is hard to be stuck in the middle like that, knowing that we cannot force someone to do something that they don't want to, especially when it is a life or death situation. Fear is what consumes us, on both sides of that spectrum, once we realize that control is an illusion, it doesn't make it easier, but it helps make sense of it. We just can't control s**t. So sorry you are going through all of this. Lots of love and kkep writing, I think it really does help!

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dawn

2 Weeks Ago

Exactly Crowley. Who am I to say. He must have this and that done. I am just so glad the Doctor was .. read more
Crowley

2 Weeks Ago

I believe you have the right train of thought. We always say we want things on our terms when it com.. read more
Dawn

2 Weeks Ago

exactly Crowley

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112 Views
3 Reviews
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Added on October 9, 2018
Last Updated on October 9, 2018
Tags: cancer, feeding tubes, being human, taking control over death

Author

Dawn
Dawn

United Kingdom



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