Bitter Sweet Dreams (revised)

Same poem as the one previously added, but reworded and revised.

 

     

The sun comes sneaking up behind

shades drawn tight against the world.

Illuminating rays seeping through

carrying with them,

the simple truths,

the agonizing facts

that I have tried desperatly to deny.

Each of them

significantly harder to accept

than a hundred cold nights spent alone.

 

Closing my watery eyes,

I pray one more time

to a fictional god

for this to be the last time.

I drift back to restless sleep,

back to tormenting dreams,

my subconsious clinging

to happy times gone forever,

to memories never to be relived;

fantasies never to be realized.

 

Vividly, I still recall

the feelings of you.

Your calloused hands slipping causually

through my satin tressels.

The heat of your gentle palm resting easily

upon the small of my back.

The fragility of your words

whispered slowly in foggy reminants of sleep.

 

All of this

to terrifingly painfull to subject myself to

time and time again.

These pointless, hurtfull memories

killing me more everyday.

And yet, how tantalizing it is to revisit,

if only in my mind's eye,

those precious few moments

when I felt loved, wanted,

when I knew I was needed!

 

Salty tears sting my face now,

still warm with sleep.

The ceaseless internal void

springs open, deep inside,

swallowing whole any lingering joy

of moments past.

A harsh realization that they, that you

are gone now, forever!

 

The knowledge that I shall never again

know happiness of that magnatuide,

hits me full force

each and every time I open my eyes now.

It consumes every fiber, every inch

until I can no longer move,

until I no longer care to.

Gasping for breath,

wishing I would conbust with the next.

Feeling the death in me

that my stubborn brain refuses to recognize,

my breaking heart is forced to continue in

it's incessant rhythm,

every beat further driving me insane.

When finially, spent

uneasy sleep claims me once more

and I unwillingly relive it all again.

 

 

 

Reviews

["L" alone]

You wrote the pome that reflects my experences so perfectly-

'How terrifingly painfull it is
to subject myself over and over
to these pointless and hollow memories.
And yet, how tantalizing,
if only in my mind,
to revisit
those precious few moments of feeing loved"

~pain reflected beautfully in the simplest of words-Thank you

"Feeling the death in me
that the brain refuses to acknowledge.
My breaking heart is forced to continue
it's incessant rythm,
every beat further driving me
insane.
Until, again, I am spent.
Until uneasy sleep claims me once more.
Until I am forced to relive the whole thing again."

[Belator Books]

This line: 'carry with them all to simple truths' is grating as the grammar is incorrect and appears more showy in the abstract than making a point. Carry with them simple truths, or carry with them towards simple truths, perhaps.

Also, what is the point of the enormous blank space? This piece did have true emotion woven throught, so bravo. Just a little polishing needed.

[Michael X]

i wouldn't be doing this writing justice if i didn't say
i loved it.. bitter sweet dreams-as much is truth
can reveal in itself..when succumbing to moments
of realization succeeding need... the desire
to relinquish emotions slowly-softly killing heart
in portrait design..the way heat slips into coldness
the sting of salty tears...smokey eyes

Salty tears sting my face now,
still warm with sleep.
The ceaseless internal void
springs open, deep inside,
swallowing whole any lingering joy
of moments past.
A harsh realization that they, that you
are gone now, forever