First Time

My first time to... Read it and take a guess! Don't cheat by looking at the Author's Note first. Haha. There are a lot of clues! :))

First Time

 

I closed my eyes,

I breathed three times.

Hands cold as ice,

I couldn’t hear the chimes.

 

I took one step,

Knees feeling weak.

Couldn’t help but peep,

Feeling like a freak.

 

I extended one arm,

Shaking like an old man.

I swear I mean no harm,

Just wanna hold your tan.

 

When our skin touched,

Cold crashed with colder.

I swear I could’ve dashed,

But this is grave matter.

 

Eyes scanned for silver,

My hand held it - careful.

I thought I was running fever,

As I slashed, slashed like a fool.

 

Lifeless eyes you had,

Felt them glare unto mine.

But I didn’t know I was that bad,

Till I saw them sparkle and shine.

 

That night I kneeled down,

I prayed like a bee.

Please give me a new gown,

And don’t let him visit me.

Author's Note

I know the poem sucks, but I really wanted to write this. :)) This is what I imagined my first time would be, but what really happened was far from it. It wasn't that scary. So the answer is... dissecting a cadaver! Did you guess right? :)) I really had fun writing this, but it was really hard. Tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Dahlia Phoenix]

Don't ever think less of your writings. This is an incredible write you have here and the feel of it makes it almost ominous. The way you express it in such a way intrigues me. Dissecting a cadaver? Oh my! The feeling of doing such a thing is terrifying and takes a lot of nerves to do. Other than that, great poem from your part.

[Arielle Ann]

first time..lol! I thought something different...wicked me(wink wink)
when came to the silver, I thought this was something about wrists slashing...but lol! no
when I came to lifeless eyes, I got confused-what's this? Well who could have imagined this was all about a cadaver dissection!!!!
captivating piece here indeed...hahaha...one of the best I have read so far!

[Abd-afeez]

yeah! Dissecting a cadaver should be that bad. you gave a very vivid portrayance of how sordid the professional act of dissecting a cadaver could be. The poem is beautiful with very boisterous words forcing unto us all a kind of lucidity that make us see how fearful you were. You rock! Thanks for sharing this.

[The Scholar]

Ha! Incredibly creative, and it made my day!
You really are something. :)

[Sarah]

lovely, quite sad but nice...

[The Girl with the smile]

Great twist! I like how the name of the poem could be misleading. Nice use of descriptive words. I love the last line.

[TheKaylaPup]

actually i didn't understand your poem til I read the authors note a figured out what it was about, then I re-read it. i fell like you try to hard to make it rhyme, the flow is reallt good in the begging, but your attempts not to break the rhyme scheme seem to distract you from the flow in the end. o would suggest you worry more about flow and meaning, and less about rhyme.

Edit: after re-reading it again, i think i may have misjudged, it is fair to say that your poem flows well and i just can't read in a way that flows right very well at the moment.

[Emily Weaver]

I love it!

[Vertigoingnowhere]

this is really good :)))