From The Inside Out

Another piece for/about the daughter I miscarried in 2005, in honour of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

She knew the sound of my body

from the inside -

the rush of my blood as it sped around her

through her,

she felt its pounding as it raced

through the dark of my veins.

 

She heard

the quiet groanings of digestion

felt the turning over of a belly,

uncertain

flooded with new chemicals

and twisting itself in knots.

 

She would have lived

the soothing dub-dub

of a steadily beating heart

known the sensations

vibrations

nourishing, welcoming,

and falling in love with her.

 

She must have surfed

the motion of our voices

the soft wave carrying her

filling her tiny being with

my love,

must have known it

the way I knew her.

 

And now

of the shadow that once dwelled,

softly returning my heart's beat,

all that remains is silence:

she doesn't echo

anymore.

Author's Note

All polite/relevant reviews are welcome - especially constructive critique, but also including grammar and spelling corrections. And thank you for reading/leaving a review!

Reviews

[Cryingkate]

geez today must be a slight off kilter day for me. I totally misunderstood this and comprehended this as something very different. Lets say thru a man voice :-)

Good thing I read the other comments so I got it straightened out. I wrote something tonight that ended up sounding like something else though I never intended it to be construed that way..

Anyhow now that I re read this it is a Beautifully sorrowful. I admire the graceful way it is written. Such a sorrowful experience yet taken so Courageous, To drink from the cup of sorrow with a strength to endure and carry on.

When I was a young girl I use to visit old abandoned graveyards. I spent all my daylight hours in the woods and streams and my only company was the headstones and animals I would come across and the trees wide boughs were Gods arms comforting me.
Anyhow I would try to keep the graveyards clean and weed free. although I only had my bare hands and these graveyards were abandoned as I said and tucked away.
I read all the stones and by the dates and names. you could see whole families buried in close time frame and all the babies.
I often used the info in my life as inspiration. You see these families were from the time frame of first settlers and they lived in morterless tiny , tiny stone buildings. And worked the land. there was no machinery to do the farming and only stone fences to hold livestock. Life was hard and if they didn't work they would not survive. Many of this time period died of plaques one after another. Sometimes the whole family, I often imagined how hard it must of been to have to be so strong and courageous to bury a loved one or a child and then have to get right back to work or everyone would die.
This is the kind of courage I see in this. I regret the suffering of loss here but respect the woman of strength and endurance and strength to share it.
Perhaps it takes this experience so you could tell it and help so many others who are not so courageous. Peace be with You and the Little one! I would love to know her name.

[Penulis Kecil]

Thank you. :)

I think cemeteries are some of the most beautiful and peaceful places on earth, I used to go out sometimes and just sit at my favourite cemetery in my city, even though it was about an hour's travel away from where I lived.

I named my daughter Elyssami Faith. I have a son I miscarried as well, and his name is Mykelti Noah.

[gloomysundays]

That last verse literally broke my heart right down the middle. I couldn't fight back the tears. I'm so sorry for your loss and I feel the grief just wafting from your poem. Personally, you're one of my favorite poets on this website. Your work is amazing. So much emotion in conveyed in just a few verses. I know that the emotional pain this caused me will never amount to what you have gone through. This was just touching. I don't know how else to explain it. Keep up the amazing work. Good luck and happy writing!

Cheers!
100/100

[Penulis Kecil]

I just found out I never replied to this, thank you for your kind words. As much as I hate knowing this caused pain, I'm pleased to hear that I've touched you and that I've crafted the words into something powerful.

[gloomysundays]

Don't worry. Sometimes I forget to get back to this as well. While it caused pain, from pain comes that one little reminder that we're all human. We all feel. Even if we've never been in the same position as another, we can share our experiences and still touch each other's hearts. So thank you for this.

[Captain Anndy]

Excuse while I whip the tears off my face. This was beautiful.

[Penulis Kecil]

Thank you.

[L]

I read this about a week ago and it's been haunting my mind ever since. It's so sad and beautiful

[asdarkeyesclose]

'She would have lived
the soothing dub-dub
of a steadily beating heart
known the sensations
vibrations
nourishing, welcoming,
and falling in love with her.'

Pregnancy is a miracle of life and children a miracle too. My heart goes out to you at your loss as a mother i can relate to the bonding you describe so well in this poem that happens so naturally and so beautifully. It was therefore with tremendous sadness that i read the conclusion of your poem, the kind of loss that can never be forgotten. This cannot have been an easy poem to write and every respect for having attempted to write about it, you celebrate her life although so short. A very moving poem.