Wait.

I don't know what genre to put this in, oops

10:04 P.M. A reasonable time, but you decide that it's not the time. Not yet.

You pick up the phone, hold it to your ear for a second. Your fingers trace the plastic orbs. Dial tone. A deadpan voice tells you that they are there to help. They are very proud of you for calling. Trained representatives wait on the other line, prepared to direct you to the closest treatment facility. You are put on hold as smooth jazz unwelcomely invades your room. You wait.

Wait,

wait,

wait.

10:36 P.M. and no one has answered your call. You numbly press the bright red END and slowly walk towards your medicine cabinet. Your death cabinet: razors, gin, knives, Marlboro reds. You grab a towering bottle of Tylenol: Extra Strength. Back to your bed. The bottle kindly warns you to [in case of an overdose] please get medical attention and/or contact a Poison Control Center right away. You decide to wait--it's not time yet.

12:30 A.M. A notebook plastered on your printed sheets and a pencil stuck to your anxious palm, the over-sized bottle glued to the other. It’s been there for forty minutes.

12:42 A.M. You've dropped the pencil, screwed off the bottle cap. You think about who really needs that large of a pill bottle unless they're planning to kill themselves. 42 white capsules make their way down your throat, regardless.

You will not spend your last 30 minutes calling Poison Control, or receiving medical attention.

12:49 A.M. The note is almost complete. You leave everything to your father, the only person you have left. You ask him to forgive you. You love him dearly.

12:50 A.M. You think it's about damn time that the pills kick in. You wait.

Wait,

wait,

wait.

1:07 A.M Your perception dwindles, and all of your parts are senseless. You decide to lie down, still waiting for the time.

When will it come? You've waited months, years, for this. You are impatient.

1:14 A.M. Your eyes slowly close. Your organ systems shut down one by one.

Finally, the pain you craved. The punishment you thought you deserved. The justified silence.

1:19 A.M. The wait is over.

1:27 A.M. The time has passed.