man in the rain

man in the rain

A Poem by Peter H
"

idk ?

"
the windmill spins as if it was in a monotonic dance ,
he lay's on the grass as the heavens pours down upon his under pants .
he wishes it was the holy piss of god purging his depraved soul
"no!!" , he says, "this must be the holy s**t of god reconfirming i'm worthless".
he thinks it quite ironic for a storm of s**t to fall on s**t .
the sky is  covered in gray.
its seems almost like his "ditto" today.
such an endless gray ,its  carries  the  stark reminder of his mundane  .
he has an epiphany, why did all the sound stop ?
he can't hear the frogs ,the birds , or even drum of his heart!
he only feels the endless drops of s**t upon his grotesque body parts.

© 2013 Peter H


Author's Note

Peter H
be kind i guess , nvm just eat me apart lol

My Review

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Reviews

ha ha, i love this poem! I'm sure everyone has felt like this before. well done.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

thank you my friend :)
The poem sounds brilliant. But I think according to the new rules you must rate it for "Teens and Above" at the very least.
The poem is a blind verse. I would like to point that modern poems also require meter management, which you have ignored. The poem's topic, doubtlessly is clear and comes across very nicely. It has been nicely written and with true thoughts, but the meter problems makes it a bit erratic.
That aside, this is a good piece :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

ah i see :) thank you :) for the review my dear friend :)
Shivam Murari

10 Years Ago

:)
This was not a good day when you wrote this! its brilliant, im sure all readers will relate to this poem! well done!

Posted 10 Years Ago


You use the word s**t a little to often for my liking... Other than that the premise of this is really interesting and good. Great write!! Keep it up :D

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

i do believe i should hve marked this one down as a mature piece i'm very sorry for the crude langua.. read more
Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Lol it seemed fine for me, I just meant the repetition of it, not the word itself.
Peter H

10 Years Ago

ah :)
pissed and s**t upon by the creator? well, don't feel like the lone ranger....we all have our moments of self loathing and despair. i think , i f god has any pissing to do, it has already been ordained and carried out. we live the "sins of our fathers"..try not to dwell on it. it is what a vengeful and angry god would expect. defy that faceless power by being the best worthless pissant you can! excellent write!!!!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

thank you ! lmao those were truly inspiring words :) i would like to use it as a quote sometimes :)
quinfinn

10 Years Ago

anytime you please, enjoy!
A quirky portrayal of profound depression.
I would say, Peter, this guy will soon find himself in deep do-do.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

lmao! , thank you mr.james :)
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hfmp hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ummmmmmmmm.
Love it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

lmao i have a fan yay :) ♥
The Girl That Let You Go

10 Years Ago

(chuckles) but of course you do, you have many fans silly :)
Peter H

10 Years Ago

lol :) ....... thank you again for all the reviews :)
I like the tone, the sense of desperation. Where not even the rain can cleanse a man's soul. The 5th verse would of made me laugh out loud ( I like irony) had it not been so tragic. I agree with Jacob in the sense that you could polish this, squeeze out a little excess and make it better. Because your ideas are fantastic.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

thank you very much , for the review i have been told to squeeze out the excess language but i reall.. read more
Tree

10 Years Ago

I see your talent, you have made an impression.
Peter H

10 Years Ago

thank you do stop by again Mr.paz.
Well done.. I like it.
Pen On.. Do u read mine 2 Time, Why etc.
Regards,
Lucky

Posted 10 Years Ago


Peter H

10 Years Ago

sorta confused here i'll read yours though .
The first line employs great personification. I could see a light windmill against a gray sky dancing eternally, no color and very bleak. I agree with Dr. Jacob on the words choices. I could see the extrapolation of the first line's idea through the rest of the poem, but I lost track of it. Overall, you have deep thoughts that leave me pondering as well.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on April 27, 2013
Last Updated on May 9, 2013

Author

Peter H
Peter H

georgetown, 4, Guyana



About
hey nice to meet you all . i'm peter i'm just a boy , i'm from guyana .i just wanted a place to share the profound part's of my thoughts more..

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