18th birthday celebration

my first night out clubbing....i was put off for life. and yes...i know i look like crazyfrog in the photo. i was drunk ok?

It was the night of my 18^th birthday. All my cousins were buzzin. My brother Albert thought it would be nice to break my club-ginity and take me out. Yeah….smart idea. What followed was just horrendous to say the least.

 

Fast forward to 12:30am. We were partying in Kingston….well my cousins and brother was. I was at the bar with my friend James talking about how my legs are were more stiff than golf clubs so I couldn't bust a move to save my life. me and him were having a bit of banter and s**t and out of nowhere, I hear a feminine voice behind me. I couldn't make out the words because the music was loud so I turned around and….well I got a face full of cleavage. I was having a staring contest with the twins. Because I’m short and this woman was tall PLUS wearing high heels….you can’t blame me bro. they were literally adjacent to my eye level, obviously she took that the wrong way and gave me the kind of look you give to your parents when you find out you’re adopted. She didn't say anything….thankfully….but I could tell she was holding her tongue from giving me a verbal beat down.  Just hours into my first night out I was branded a perverted smurf.  greeeeeat.

 

But there was dustbin woman…

 

Yeah I immortalized her in my memory with that nickname because the only thing I remember from that lady is that she stunk of ONIONS and BALLSWEAT. At this time I was waved(drunk). I was playing chemistry with shots. Getting shots, pouring it into a big glass and downing it. you’re probably thinking “that was a smart move dipshit” it was. it got me dancing. I was moving like I was Charlie sheen m**********r. Buuuuuuuuuut that only led to more heartache. QUE THE DUSTBIN WOMAN! For some reason she gravitated towards me and started whining(er…I don’t know what Americans call this. Grinding?) on me. there were two problems with this.

 

1.       She barely had anything on and Tina the talking belly was making sure she was noticed.

 

And

 

2.       She stunk….remember?

Didn't take me long to realize I was knee deep in a foul a*s puddle of s**t. I was out of there faster than a Kenyan chasing a lunch ticket. No way am I being caught dancing with her….IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLUB. Eh….but I did get caught. My brother saw everything….and asked when the wedding day was. FML. All from 1 freaking night man. 1. FREAKING. NIGHT. 

Author's Note

i always state my grammar is never the focus on these things. this was purely for fun.

Reviews

[Fiction]

ok so first of all i literally LOLd at perverted smurf lol and second of all is there going to be another chapter?? i cant wait. you're an amazing writer by the way :P :)

[That_Girl]

I still stuck on 'perverted smurf' bahahahaha. And yeah, we call it grinding. :) This was hysterical. Glad you had so much fun. I think your brother and I would get along swimmingly. ;)

[nigrum homonculus]

shhhhhh alright. don't ever use that against me. EVER! yeah i had fun alright(LOL) oh god no....you two....trolling me...no...i will jump into traffic there and then.

[That_Girl]

It's a secret. ;) Psssh I think it would be a blast! If I ever come to London... I'm searching your a*s... :p

[nigrum homonculus]

it better be. a blast?! OMFG you lost your damn mind. it will be horrible! i'll make deals with security so you can't get past immigration.

[That_Girl]

YES! So much fun! B***h please....

[nigrum homonculus]

i swear to god. i will fight you at the airport and ship your a*s home myself. hey...immigration aren't a joke here you know.

[That_Girl]

I CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!! Muahahahaha

[nigrum homonculus]

how do you even know that?

[That_Girl]

I run daily. Sometimes more than once. Since I was about 15. I'm faster, trust me.

[nigrum homonculus]

idk. i got explosive power which increases every week. you may have just met your match.

[That_Girl]

Don't be dirty, Avy... Don't do it...

[nigrum homonculus]

how...just how. dazzle me.

[That_Girl]

"i got explosive power which increases every week" So, Phil, where exactly does this explosive power come from? Your dick perhaps? Muahahahaha

[nigrum homonculus]

PDGJKNBP FVP;IENPVOJDASB PN

[That_Girl]

Love you too. :)

[nigrum homonculus]

¬_¬ you're now on par with dustbin woman. feel proud.

[That_Girl]

Ohhhh I feel so horrible. Whatever, I don't smell. :)

[nigrum homonculus]

i'm going bed now. you've made me go to sleep angry. i'm going to have nightmares. thanks avery, thanks. f*****g cockfoster.

[That_Girl]

Awww I'm sorry you're going to dream of your own dick. :(

[nigrum homonculus]

wait they say you dream about the last thing you mentally picture....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

[That_Girl]

Awww you're going to dream about me?!?! :')

[nigrum homonculus]

thank god i don't know what you look like.

[That_Girl]

lol whatever. You aren't even thinking cleary. Go to bed.

[nigrum homonculus]

that's because you're f*****g my mind woman. i will...yeah!

[That_Girl]

As always.

What? We aren't fighting.... this is us bickering. We do it constantly. :)

[That_Girl]

Uhh no..? lol why would we? It's all joking... Phil's great.

[That_Guy]

potty mouth haha

[That_Girl]

lol shut up. :p

[That_Girl]

Haha yeah, it's all fine. :) Just messing around.

[Marie]

Bad words are what it's all about S.d. Makes poetry nonessential.

[That_Girl]

So... you're classless if you curse?

[That_Girl]

I've read several.

[That_Girl]

What is there to understand? Just explain what you meant when you basically said said people that curse (in poetry at least) are classless. I don't need to understand you or know you in order to get that answer.

[That_Girl]

Then correct me and tell me exactly what you meant.

[That_Girl]

Which has nothing to do with being classy....?

[Baby Ricochet]

I'd read his s**t but he blocked baby ricochet. No idea why. Must be all the motherfucking low class swearing I picked up in the Marine corp

[That_Girl]

lol what the hell? That made absolutely no sense. I am persistent though. You came on here, into a conversation that wasn't harming anyone and started commenting. Then Marie came and made a snide remark. Your reply to her on MY conversation caused a question. All on you. If you would just answer me, this could all be over with.

[That_Girl]

He just deleted his post. Whatever.

Hahaha damn f*****g straight Baby R! ;)

[Baby Ricochet]

I thought he might. No idea who he is but he sure as hell knows who I am. whatever.

[That_Girl]

Pretty sure he's the religiousy weird type....

Well, you're awesome so... who cares. :) I'm going to bed. Nite hun.

[Baby Ricochet]

Nite

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! Onions and ball sweat. That can't be good. Sounds like a great 18th.

[nigrum homonculus]

ah it wasn't man. smelt like an infant crawled on her and died. oh yah....best experience of my life.