darken thoughts

darken thoughts

A Poem by phjasmine

Sitting here alone


It’s light outside


Hurts my eyes



 

I need my darkness


My little safe place


How can it be?



 

That the whole world


Is collapsing down upon me


It hurts me so



 

The whole world continues


While I’m stuck in this moment


Fighting to be free



 

The blue enclosing around me


Suffocating


 

Deafening


 

Blinding



I’m left defenseless



 

And the whole world could careless


So I’m going to end it


Yet I know ill regret it



But they won’t notice


 

No one will see

 





When I sects to exist.


© 2010 phjasmine



Author's Note

phjasmine
so i am experimenting with new ways to set up poems. umm tell me what you think.

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Featured Review

i feel like the format of the poem should make the words feel stronger or give the poem new meaning. this set up doesn't particularly do that. i do like the vibe from it, though.

also, sects? in the last line? isn't what you think it is or you made a typo, i believe.

Posted 5 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like the format, I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but the middle row seems like another poem inside your poem, which is really cool .

Posted 4 Months Ago


I was a little concerned about the set up when I started, but I think it really flows easily and it really speaks to the mood of the poem.

Posted 1 Year Ago


The line spacing adds a great mood to the meaning of this poem. It can be read multiple ways.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Love the format and what you've written. I can truly relate!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Hi!

Nicely written, a very dark ending to such a deep struggle.

Right at the very end you meant to say 'cease' I believe, instead of sects, change it when you get the chance please :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


I personally like the formatting of this poem. To me it felt like going down, like sinking into depression. I was also a little confused by the word "sects" in the last line, but that's it. I really enjoyed it. :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


i feel like the format of the poem should make the words feel stronger or give the poem new meaning. this set up doesn't particularly do that. i do like the vibe from it, though.

also, sects? in the last line? isn't what you think it is or you made a typo, i believe.

Posted 5 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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1026 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 1, 2010
Last Updated on January 1, 2010
Tags: phjasmine, depression, suicide

Author

phjasmine
phjasmine

Perth, Australia



About
hey, dont really know what to say, i like writting, reading, music and art, i'm always looking to expand my writting abbilitys, i'm working on my spelling and grammer, really i am. I get most my ideas.. more..

Writing
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