Slow Dance

A poem about the experience of a slow dance with someone you love. It's definitely got a high-school or college dance vibe, but the point of view could be either a boy or a girl.

Your curls embrace

my fingertips

as I lose myself in

the reflection of the glitter-lights

and rhythmic softness

in your eyes

 

We circle around each other,

our shoes scuffing

the lacquered floorboards

and I feel a flood

of quiet ecstasy,

like a jar of water

overflowing

 

I was watching

the ribbons hanging

from the ceiling,

still as glass,

but now I catch

your gaze,

like a living spark

 

and my world

e  x  p  l  o  d  e  s

 

Reviews

[Travis Lawrence]

I do like this, especially how you space out explodes, like the word is an action of its meaning.

I think the second stanza could be improved.

"We circle around each other,"
-- This is a great image, two circles intersecting, but it could be drawn better with just one word. "We ARE circles around each other", because now it's a metaphor.

"and I feel a flood
of quiet ecstasy,
like a jar of water
overflowing"
-- Good image, yet again, I'm just not a huge fan of the word flood. How about this instead?

"Quiet ecstacy slips
over and floods me
like water overflowing
in a mild jar"

Honestly that's just me playing around with your passage, but take what you want, whether that's nothing or everything is up to you :-)

Thanks for entering my contest!

[Crazy Cat Man]

sexy poem

[John Tom]

wweeeeeee!

[Papillion]

A very romantic piece.....as a guess I would maybe change the line to - We encircle each other.

This a a wonderfull write.