Rapture

Just the beginnings of what I'm attempting to develop into a publishable book. More likely than not there will be a title change later on down the line, or i'll include the idea i have going to make the title make sense. Something will happen, anyway.

Part One

Firefly

 

 

Asharoken, New York:

 

Dust floated past her face, illuminated by the descending sun.

She watched it, sprawled haphazardly across her bed. Her eyes drifted from one shapeless speck to another, without any purpose or pattern. It was the activity that had captivated her entire Thursday afternoon.

            Almost everywhere she went, people asked her how she could stare at something so insignificant. Even after being asked so often, she still didn’t have an answer that made sense; it was just something she did. But the question was irrelevant. No one really cared why. Asking her, like she was an idiot, was just another way of telling her it was unacceptable.

None of them were like Teddy, who promised her that she’d get to design his album cover someday and whose mind was so passionate everyone called him crazy.

She visualized the dust as miniature stars and planets, golden and glowing as they hovered around her. An entire celestial cosmos– a whole new existence –enclosed within the boundaries of her room, contained only by her will. It was her universe apart from reality, encircling her whenever she wanted to be alone.

For that, people said she was crazy too.

            With a sigh, she forcefully dragged her eyes away from her galaxy. Sitting up, she absently pulled at a lock of her unruly hair, a habit she had picked up from her mom.

She used to think there was a difference between being insane and being inspired. So did Teddy.

It had been a long time since she had seen him. He was almost another one of her daydreams, fading away every time she concentrated on him. His pale brown eyes, his crooked smile. His indescribable voice.

“I think I’m gonna start callin’ you Firefly,” he murmured.

Closing her eyes, she found herself sitting beside him on his back porch swing, surrounded by the velvet of another hot June night. The scattered stars they could see over the distant city lights were ghosts of compared to the lightning bugs that lit the yard around them.

She looked at him with a mixture of humor and skepticism. “Why? My butt doesn’t blink.” He laughed softly, and the breathy sound made her smile.

“No, but every idea you have lights you up,” he looked at her, gently tucking a flyaway wisp of hair behind her ear, “and you glow.”

            Reality crept back into place as she blinked her way out of the memory with aching, blurry eyes. Quietly, she slid off her bed, grabbing the cord hanging next to her window. The blinds slid shut with a rasping whir, throwing the room into darkness. The dust vanished.

            Last summer was an entirely different time and place. It was when she would have given up her forever to see him smile. It was road trips to Connecticut to get ice cream and sneaking to the beach to watch the sun rise.

            It was when Teddy was still alive.

            A wave of regret roiled up as she sank back down onto her bed. She opened her mouth to scream, but choked. Instead of her pain, she released a quiet, strangled cough.

            Recoiling, she clenched her eyes shut, but she never dismissed the image in her mind. All she had left of him were broken memories, and she didn’t want to lose another piece.

            With that thought lingering, she paused.

            She honestly liked living in Asharoken. It was tranquil and easy, with a view of the ocean from almost every window and a salty smell in the air. The people were decent, and her home was quaint and cozy, exactly the picture of a cottage in a seaside town. It was serene.

            Despite that, she hadn’t been there long enough to call it home, or to call the family her own. She had met Teddy and wanted to stay. With him gone, though, she craved Manhattan even through her guilt. She desperately wanted the hectic carelessness of the city. She wanted the rush.

            More than anything, she wanted to stop hiding from the world in a universe of imagination and dust.

            She had left enough families it didn’t matter if she left one more. Sliding off her mattress again, she walked to her closet.

All she could find– and all she needed –was the red messenger bag. She had gotten it for Christmas somewhere, and it had gradually collected random quotes and doodles in eight different colors of Sharpie markers. It was the same bag she had used for years, with one side pocket covered with duct tape where a hole had been torn and the other side pocket holding a key chain with her Sharpies.

She flicked on her bedside lamp, but left her overhead light off as she heard the droning buzz of the porch light coming alive.

As night approached, she started to pack.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Any grammar mistakes or possible sentence changes would be appreciated. Anything to help with flow, consistency, or detailing would also be lovely. I couldn't get this to copy right the last time i tried to update it, so if the font, font size, or spacing are messed up bear with me.

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

I love the setup and I am very interested in the story now from just reading this part. I think it flowed great and really pulled my interest deep into the story and the possibilities that could exist. I think you have something really wonderful here. I didn't see anything that jumped out at me as far as any thing wrong. I would love to read more.

Great Job!!!!!!

[Goodbyeguilt]

I have only one issue with this piece, change the word roiled to something else? I feel that the word 'recoiling' was used to quickly afterwards as they sound so similar, otherwise it is nicely done and I am intrigued as to what comes next. Well done.

Regards,
GBG.

Excellent job! You have an amaing talent for holding a reader's attention! Keep up the great work and I await the next installment to this story with breathless anticipation.

[Damian Alan Gray]

Now, THIS is what I'm talking about! Great insight, good character and scene development, adding to a spectacular story outline. THIS is good work! Bravo!

[Gandré]

this looks like a successful beginning of a story (novel?). It makes me to want more how this is going to develop. I just sat down and enjoyed... there is a good programm for longer stuffs (what I don't write actually) on internet. When you google software for writers - that will appear. So you will be able to write notes or even text for a character separately in form of colored notes - then you will pick that up later and insert where it belongs - in your longer text. Try it for 1 month for free. Be well. thanks for all your reviews always.