true love is not a crime

the jury called me up today

when the clock read five to nine

they said the tewnty first of may

was when I would run out of time

 

then I remembered yesterday

and what was on the line

they hounded me both night and day

until they broke my mind

 

they called me in for what you'd say

and who'd hear down the line

they called me to the stand that day

for what happened at that time

 

then I heard you stand up and say

"it's not his fault, it's mine"

but it was me they wanted anyway

and they cahrged me of some crime

some unknown thing on some odd day

something I couldn't do at the time

 

then they began to take you away

fighting them all of the time

that's when I was strong enough to say

"her true love is not a crime

let her go, just walk away

it is not yet her time"

 

they found you guilty anyway

our life is over, yours and mine

of what we're charged I cannot say

but you'll be fine, given time

but for me it will end that day

May twenty first at nine

 

it is for you that I will pray

and I'll watch you down the line

so wipe you crystal tears away

I have to go, it's time

 

I'll watch over you in every way

I'll keep your reason and you rhyme

and I'll stand with you on the judgement day

before the lord of time

and in your defense I will say

"true love is not a crime"

Author's Note

sorry it's a bit long, please leave any thought that you have on it
thank you

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Sacrifice and love until the end. The loyalty is amazing.
Its incredible to be there when all else in existence is
being cast away. Nothing could tear one away form true
love...guns, fear, or even prophecies can destroy what is
there.

[Rachael]

I agree with the two other comments; it is good and I can get the main plot line, but it still gets confusing. The last stanza is sweet and is a good conclusion to the whole story. I don't know what more to say that hasn't been said. Keep writing :)

[Nish Nish the Fish]

I will say that the concept is appreciated, although a little confusing.

Perhaps if you broke it up into stanzas, and organized the thoughts a bit. It paints a picture in my head, but i'm not sure where the focus is supposed to be.

You describe this 'crime' but don't tell us what it is, and how it connects the fact that true love is not a crime. is the crime true love? and if so, perhaps you should further describe the actual committing of the 'crime.'
sorry for the staggered crit, but i'm not quite following.

try reorganizing the poem and changing some of the line endings.

you did have some high points, the rhyme scheme was flowy - but a little too repetitive with some of the words.

a lot of potential in this one! excited to see how it evolves!

[AFX787359]

...I'm a bit lost as to the plot...

It's very vague and disconnected.

I like the overall idea of it, though.